When the deer season is on I exist, for much of the time, in a sustained period of bliss. Events that would normally chap my hide suddenly become inconsequential, sliding past me like water off an otter’s tail. There is, however, one exception…and it’s unique to deer hunting: Lousy harvest pictures.
We all have our personal irritants, and mine is this: A guy shoots his proverbial buck-of-a-lifetime and instead of taking a little extra time to set up some nice photos, he turns a Kodak moment into a PETA ad. You’ve seen as many of these as I have; the plastic tarps, the rope-cinched necks, the sagging tongues and the pickup beds awash in plasma. I understood them better before the digital age, when most of us photographed with the snap-n-pray technique. But these days? There’s no excuse.
Okay, here are the top 10, in descending order from the entries we received for the contest we posted on September 24. (If I had to pick again tomorrow, I’d probably come up with a different list. What can I tell you? These are the ones that struck me as the funniest today.)
I still have a few new Hunter’s Specialties True Talker 2 Deer Calls to give away. And I have this crazy photo, which I’ve been saving just for you since it popped up in my inbox several weeks ago. So have at it. Write the best caption, and I’ll send you a new deer call.
Will this buck net more than 176 inches as a nontypical? If so, it will be The Tar Heel State’s new bow-kill non-typ record. John Kellett of Conway arrowed a buck Sept. 15 that could challenge the state-record non-typical white-tailed deer killed in 2005. From the story...
Here are a couple of hypotheticals for you: You sneak up to a grizzly bear and poke it with a stick. Do you have the right to shoot it when it pokes you back? You dive into the shark exhibit at the aquarium. Do you have the right to harpoon the predator when it starts nosing you? And now, for a real-life example:
Tomorrow is the opening day for archery seasons in the two states where I do most of my deer hunting; Minnesota and Wisconsin. I’m well into my third decade as a bowhunter, and I guess this should be “old hat” for a guy with faded camo and grey in his sideburns, but it’s not. I’ve been a certified mess this week; lousy concentration at work, easily distracted in conversation, restless while falling asleep…
The Pennsylvania lifecaster, viral video comedienne, actress, graphic designer, trapezist, professional tie-dyeing T-shirt artist, cheeseburger lover, and deer stand-in wants to know. And who better to judge? Check it out:
You can bemoan the trend. You can call it regrettable and pine for the days when a rump roast and a holiday card got you on to the farm of your choice. I do. But I don’t see how any capitalism-loving American can find blame in the fact that deer leases—at increasingly astronomical prices—are becoming more common. You can’t blame the farmers, obviously. And as I see it, you can’t really blame deer hunters who lease either—although some seem happy to point the finger at their fellow sports. To the finger-pointers, I ask: “What are you some kind of commies?”
Truly huge typical whitetails are a rare beast. One of the reasons for this is that, as a buck grows older, he usually starts throwing the stickers, kickers, drops and flyers that push his rack into the non-typical category.