By David Draper
Can we all please stop drinking the Toby Keith-spiked Kool-Aid and admit that his little ditty “Red Solo Cup” is the worst song ever written, bar none. I would rather listen to “Pac Man Fever” on repeat than hear another drunk co-ed slur through the chorus while splashing warm, stale beer down, as Keith so eloquently puts it, “the front of my back.”
While I can appreciate the form and function of a red Solo cup, the unfathomable popularity of such a stupid song (or pretty much any Toby Keith song) has not only further eroded my already-thin faith in humanity, but also forced me to boycott the crimson cups on principle alone. This leaves me with a few alternatives for my summer cocktailing.