The Best Description of Shoddy Gunsmithing

I am an admitted shotgun junkie, and one of my favorite things to do late at night after the family has gone to bed, is cruise the various online fine gun shops and salivate over shotguns I’ll never be able to afford (while crying quietly so I don’t wake up the children). You should try it some time, it beats the hell out of porn.

Anyway, one of my favorite online destinations (and real world, too, as it’s located a mere 90 miles away) is Champlin Arms in Enid, Oklahoma.

The inventory at Champlin Arms is – like most high-end shops – full of the kind of aforementioned sob-worthy firearms attainable only by ruling-class patricians. But what makes Champlin Arms stand out from the crowd is the creative license exhibited by the shop’s owner in describing the various firearms. Not in the actual description of the gun itself, which is always thorough and truthful, but in the opinions that come afterward.

To wit:

We’ve all seen shoddy gunsmithing work, right? Well, as I was perusing Champlin’s site last night (and crying. Always crying.) I stumbled upon what I believe is the single best description of a subpar piece of smith work. Ever.

From this gun description on the Champlin Arms website:

#14694, An Italian Made Guild Gun O/U 28 Bore Marked “Manifat. Riunite Armi – E. Salvinelli”, The Vent Rib Marked “Atlas – 65 – S. T.” A Boxlock Extractor Made in 1968, 26″ Vent Rib barrels at .558 .008 & .014″ (Imp.Cyl. & Mod.) Original 3″ chambers, 0,930 KG weight barrels, Single non-selective trigger, Scalloped action, Game forend, Pistol grip stock at 14 5/8 x 1 x 2 1/8″ over a 1″pad, 5 lbs. 2 oz., The original factory barrel blue is 97%, Original receiver case colors at 96%, The wood is at 94%, The checkering is 99%, The bores are excellent, There is a very slight ding mid-way down the top barrel with slight damage to the top rib as well. There is a very good chance that this gun was imported by Atlas Arms Inc. in Chicago back in the 60’s. It is marked Atlas and they were big in Italian guns back then; this brings me back to my youth.
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I believe the guy that installed this recoil pad drives a Volvo, likes warm flat beer and was breast fed until age 7; however the pad can be changed easily.
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Apologies to all the Volvo-driving, warm beer-drinking sucklers out there, but that’s funny…