August 21, 2009
Gun Nut Wrong! Plaxico Goes to Prison
By David E. Petzal
On December 19 of last year, I boldly predicted that former New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress would avoid doing prison time for illegally carrying a Glock and shooting himself in the leg with same. I also quoted a judge friend of mine (a merciless man whose personal heroes are Jack Ketch and Isaac Parker) as saying that although there are ways around felony charges, this happened in the Kingdom of Bloomberg, and there was no way Plaxico was going to skate.
I was wrong and the judge was right. The joker in the deck was the Giants dropping Plaxico from their roster, and with no one to cut a deal for him, it was goodbye Giant blue, hello prison orange. I’m still amazed they cut him. The NFL has room for dog murderers, wife and girlfriend beaters, nightclub brawlers, drug abusers, one vehicular homicide while drunk, and God knows what else. It makes Plaxico’s stunt seem almost like a boyish prank.
Plaxico tried appearing before the grand jury that indicted him to try and talk them out of it, but the jury was unmoved by his spiel and sent him before the court, where he plead not guilty (which, had he been tried and been found guilty, would have sent him away for 5 years) and then seconds later, his attorney changed the plea to guilty, which got him 2 years.
So Mayor Bloomberg is happy, and Plaxico will eventually emerge from prison, and explain how he is now rehabilitated and filled with remorse, and some team will pick him up. If no one does, I suggest that he avoid law as a career; he doesn’t seem to have much of an instinct for it. --DEP