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Chad Love: Cheap Burglar Deterrent Systems
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September 03, 2010
Chad Love: Cheap Burglar Deterrent Systems
By Chad Love
So say you live in a high-crime neighborhood and you worry that any time might be the time someone kicks in your front door and steals everything you own. And of course, you can't really afford a real alarm system (If you could, why would you be living in a high-crime area in the first place, right?). So what's a worried homeowner to do? Why, lie, of course. You leave a note attached to the door designed to make thieves think twice.
I give you the Best burglar-deterrent sign. Ever.
OK, here's the question: Can you top it?
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Comments (31)
That's awesome. I'm trying, but I can't think of a better sign.
Skeeter
I'm at hospital with Possum! He got drunk and tried to kiss the cobra! Cobra still loose! I'll be home later!
bob, i'm at hospital, police will be coming to get dog and take it to vet to try and get the fingers back so they can reattach them. don't go inside until they get here.
Gas line to range broke in two! Went to get help, Don't Go In The House!
ANGRY WOMAN WITH PINK HANDLE STEAK KNIFE INSIDE,
OWNER IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR SAFETY
good one bellringer.
i just put a few NRA stickers on my door and a couple windows. you just never know what awaits you inside.
Suudi,
Wartch yur step when goin thrugh da door. Ally got out ov her kage this mornin. God knos i love dat gator butt she's gotta mean side to her!
i would put a picture of my dog up there which is a pitbull and alittle note thats says you might get in but you wont get out
Beware! It is the wifes time of month again! Enter at your own risk! I'm out fishing...Good Luck!
I remember one from New Orleans after Katrina:
Warning: Premises protected by a pump shotgun, a hungry pit bull and an ugly woman with a claw hammer.
Two weeks later the sign read: Come on in. Sold shotgun, ugly woman left and I'm cooking brown dog gumbo.
Roccos electric fence shorted out went to get fuzes and tranquilizers be back in an hour make sure he doesn't get through the window again.
STOP! Grandma is off her Meds! Last seen nekkid in the kitchen. Go in and go blind. Filling the rx now!!
I think I heard this in a country western song.
This house is protected by the good Lord and a gun....You're gonna need both if you break in.
Skeeter,
The way you fill out your skin tight jeans has got me wanting you something fierce. I look forward to tonight.
-Bubba-
Hunny,
One of Jr's skunks got out of the cage again, which one is descented?
ay Ringo,. dis. Jimmy. Lee. i-lef. ta-go. find. Ros-co. damn-dog. dun. runnoft. on-me. check. da-therd. tree. down. ta-make. shur. no-body. trid. breakin-thru. da storm-door. i-theenk. i. forgot-ta. shut. it. dey-just. mite. be-dun. got. caut-by. dat. hanggin-snare.... yer. theerd-cuzin. twice-remouved. -Jim-my Lee
simple just make a sign that says "trespassers are shot on sight p.s. i see everything that goes on here on my property"
WARNING: trespasers will be shot. survivors will be shot again.
These premises protected by shotgun three days per week.
You guess which three...
Skeeter,
Your uncle Bruce is taking to the bottle again, He darn near killed me with that 12ga with the bayonet, wait at the curb for me to come home, I'm bringing home a tazer and the Cops,
be back in 5,
Bud
NO TRESPASSING
Violators will be shot.
Survivors wil be violated.
Why not just chalk out an outline of a dead body on the front porch and put crime scene tape on the door. Surely someone would think twice then.
Warning
House scheduled for demolition by means of implosion between the hours of (time you left) and (time your going to be back). Evacuate this property between those hours.
Powder Keg Demolition INC.
Flying lead makes things dead,
put a sign up that says thanks to my new iphone app i now know when someone breaks into my house but thats not it one press of a button and automated machine guns pop out of every nook and cranny so for your sake you better hope my battery is dead
on my cousins barn they got a sign that says "tresspassers will be shot servivors will be shot again" and his great grandma with a ithca 37 16 ga. to enforce it!!
I saw this one in OR "tresspassors will be shot and survivors will be violated"
Anyone found around my chickenhouse at night will be found there come daylight.
I am disappointed no one commented on the PINK HANDLED STEAK KNIFE reference, remember John Bobbitt and his wife from several years ago.
The sign I remember said,
No Tresspassing
Survivors will be Persecuted.
I tried turning a snowblower into a dishwasher and boy is she pissed. If you can do any better go ahead and try. Good Luck.
Post a Comment
Skeeter,
The way you fill out your skin tight jeans has got me wanting you something fierce. I look forward to tonight.
-Bubba-
Skeeter
I'm at hospital with Possum! He got drunk and tried to kiss the cobra! Cobra still loose! I'll be home later!
I remember one from New Orleans after Katrina:
Warning: Premises protected by a pump shotgun, a hungry pit bull and an ugly woman with a claw hammer.
Two weeks later the sign read: Come on in. Sold shotgun, ugly woman left and I'm cooking brown dog gumbo.
Suudi,
Wartch yur step when goin thrugh da door. Ally got out ov her kage this mornin. God knos i love dat gator butt she's gotta mean side to her!
ANGRY WOMAN WITH PINK HANDLE STEAK KNIFE INSIDE,
OWNER IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR SAFETY
Beware! It is the wifes time of month again! Enter at your own risk! I'm out fishing...Good Luck!
bob, i'm at hospital, police will be coming to get dog and take it to vet to try and get the fingers back so they can reattach them. don't go inside until they get here.
I think I heard this in a country western song.
This house is protected by the good Lord and a gun....You're gonna need both if you break in.
Gas line to range broke in two! Went to get help, Don't Go In The House!
good one bellringer.
i just put a few NRA stickers on my door and a couple windows. you just never know what awaits you inside.
Hunny,
One of Jr's skunks got out of the cage again, which one is descented?
That's awesome. I'm trying, but I can't think of a better sign.
i would put a picture of my dog up there which is a pitbull and alittle note thats says you might get in but you wont get out
STOP! Grandma is off her Meds! Last seen nekkid in the kitchen. Go in and go blind. Filling the rx now!!
Roccos electric fence shorted out went to get fuzes and tranquilizers be back in an hour make sure he doesn't get through the window again.
Warning
House scheduled for demolition by means of implosion between the hours of (time you left) and (time your going to be back). Evacuate this property between those hours.
Powder Keg Demolition INC.
These premises protected by shotgun three days per week.
You guess which three...
Skeeter,
Your uncle Bruce is taking to the bottle again, He darn near killed me with that 12ga with the bayonet, wait at the curb for me to come home, I'm bringing home a tazer and the Cops,
be back in 5,
Bud
simple just make a sign that says "trespassers are shot on sight p.s. i see everything that goes on here on my property"
NO TRESPASSING
Violators will be shot.
Survivors wil be violated.
ay Ringo,. dis. Jimmy. Lee. i-lef. ta-go. find. Ros-co. damn-dog. dun. runnoft. on-me. check. da-therd. tree. down. ta-make. shur. no-body. trid. breakin-thru. da storm-door. i-theenk. i. forgot-ta. shut. it. dey-just. mite. be-dun. got. caut-by. dat. hanggin-snare.... yer. theerd-cuzin. twice-remouved. -Jim-my Lee
WARNING: trespasers will be shot. survivors will be shot again.
Why not just chalk out an outline of a dead body on the front porch and put crime scene tape on the door. Surely someone would think twice then.
The sign I remember said,
No Tresspassing
Survivors will be Persecuted.
put a sign up that says thanks to my new iphone app i now know when someone breaks into my house but thats not it one press of a button and automated machine guns pop out of every nook and cranny so for your sake you better hope my battery is dead
I tried turning a snowblower into a dishwasher and boy is she pissed. If you can do any better go ahead and try. Good Luck.
I saw this one in OR "tresspassors will be shot and survivors will be violated"
on my cousins barn they got a sign that says "tresspassers will be shot servivors will be shot again" and his great grandma with a ithca 37 16 ga. to enforce it!!
Anyone found around my chickenhouse at night will be found there come daylight.
I am disappointed no one commented on the PINK HANDLED STEAK KNIFE reference, remember John Bobbitt and his wife from several years ago.
Flying lead makes things dead,
Post a Comment