By Chad Love

With the exception of Woody Allen, New Yorkers have always had a tough-guy reputation. A college buddy of mine once dated a Long Island girl whom I'm quite sure - despite her Lilliputian size - could whip my a** handily.
 
But if you want to see a New Yorker cower in abject terror, just inform them that your pet African Hissing Death Adder just slipped out of his cage and would they mind calling if they happened to see him? All hell will break loose, because New Yorkers are terrified of snakes.
 
Little snakes, harmless snakes, children's pet snakes, it doesn't seem to matter. If it's legless and on the loose in the Big Apple then mass hysteria and breathless headlines are sure to follow, and the city will mobilize every available law enforcement resource to neutralize the threat to public safety. But don't take my word for it.

From the story via Gawker:

As of this morning there are 171 news articles about the totally harmless rat snake—a popular type of pet—that was found in a Bronx apartment. It did not eat anyone, yet. The 4-foot yellow rat snake, which we will call "Serpent Fang" startled some kids in the apartment. Where it was just kind of sitting there. NYPD responded with overwhelming force: Police trapped it with a broom and a plastic bag, and it was taken to the Center for Animal Care and Control. Animal control spokesman Richard Gentles says the snake is non-venomous, and in good health. The the New York Post and the Daily News and the AP  and damn near every TV news  operation in the city did stories about the trapping of this rat snake, a cold-blooded, flesh-hungry, dead-eyed breed described by experts  as "Easy, an ideal beginner's snake. Hardy, tolerant of handling and tractable enough for children."

And here's one from a few days later

A New York city teen came face-to-fang with a 3-foot boa constrictor Sunday that slithered uninvited into the youngster's home — a jarring confrontation that had the whole family in a panic. "The snake was just staring at me," said a shaken Kareem Lewis, 18. The close encounter came around 10 a.m., when Lewis was waking up in the family's first-floor apartment on Sherman Avenue. "I started to panic when he started to slither at me," said Lewis, whose mom was at church. The teen called 911, and police held the snake inside a pillowcase until animal control arrived.

Now I've never been to New York but surely there's more to be frightened of than the occasional snake, right? I mean, my wife just came back from New York toting a fake designer purse she bought from a street vendor wearing a Geiger counter around his neck. It smells of mustard gas and glows in the dark and I'm pretty sure it was manufactured in a Chinese nuclear reactor. That's scary. Michael Bloomberg? He's scary. Fishing the East River? I'd do it but as a mob-movie fan it sounds scary. A yellow rat snake? Not so much.

Instead of mobilizing the Serpent S.W.A.T team and its specialized snake-catching brooms every time a maurading garter snake is spotted, here's what the NYPD needs to do: Give my eight-year-old son a call. He'd be more than happy to come catch it for them.

Comments (19)

from Big O wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

TO FUNNY ! ! !

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from The Armchair Ou... wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

Amen. I don't know why people get so excited whenever "old no-shoulders" puts in an appearance. I don't get it. Now spiders? That's different; spiders are just gross.

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from 2Poppa wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

Nothin' is lower than a snakes belly.
Seems to me they would want those rat snakes in New York!

Funny Stuff!

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from chadlove wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

Brownie points for identifying the snake in the pic. It's a species New Yorkers might even warm to, because it's notorious for eating other snakes.

They don't, however, stand a chance against young boys...

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from 2Poppa wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

The milk snake?

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from MaxPower wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

My guess is a King Snake.

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from crm3006 wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

One of the varieties of King snakes. As snaky as New York is, folks up there might not warm up to a snake that eats other snakes.

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from buckeye wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

This story reminds me of my wife, the other day she came running into the house screaming about a snake in the garage. It was just a little garter snake, but you would have thought it was a king cobra.

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from seadog wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

You would think anything that eats rats would be real popular in NY. I don't get why people are terrified of things that can't hurt them. I spent some time in Jamaica--the country. There are lizards all over that island & half the people there are terrified of them--I'm talkin the little ones about 6 inches long.

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Hunter Savage wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

2poppa . oh yes there is, a politician's honesty.

+3 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Dave DiBenedetto wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

As someone who has watched the rats scurry around the NYC subway tracks for years I can attest that they could use a few more snakes in the 'hood. -D

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from ranger2 wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

I know what I am bringing with me on my next trip back East! I wonder how that would go over at the Statue of Liberty? I will have to bring a Gadsden "Don't Tread on Me" flag to go with it- talk about a political statement!

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from 2Poppa wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

cooner-
You gave me my 1st laugh for the day ... a big + for ya!

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Hunter Savage wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

2poppa
happy to help . : )

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from FloridaHunter1226 wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

Now we know what could bring New York City to chaos....

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from chadlove wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

A couple of you got it mostly right. It's a speckled king snake. Gentle, easily tamed, a great species which which to introduce your budding naturalist children to the wonders of nature.

I've caught dozens and dozens of speckled kings and I don't think I've ever had one actually strike at me.

But if you're a rattlesnake of comparable size and you run into of these guys then you will more than likely end up being digested.

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Jere Smith wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

Many New Yorkers are all blow and no go! I have never been afraid of any snakes but Cottonmouths,Rattlers,Copperheads and Coral Snakes! And since I don/t get close I have never been bitten.

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from nc30-06 wrote 2 years 31 weeks ago

My wife is terrified of snakes, to the point that she doesn't even want to hear the word "snake". I refer to them as "meat ropes" when the subject comes up around her. I am not afraid of them, but don't really want to be around them. I won't kill a blacksnake, kingsnake or the little green snakes. Copperheads are another story.

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from nc30-06 wrote 2 years 31 weeks ago

I have eaten rattlesnake and it is good. I have not seen any around where I live, so it would be good if there were restaurants that had rattlesnake on the menu.

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

Post a Comment

 

All submitted comments are subject to the rules set forth in our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.

from Hunter Savage wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

2poppa . oh yes there is, a politician's honesty.

+3 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Big O wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

TO FUNNY ! ! !

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from The Armchair Ou... wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

Amen. I don't know why people get so excited whenever "old no-shoulders" puts in an appearance. I don't get it. Now spiders? That's different; spiders are just gross.

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from 2Poppa wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

Nothin' is lower than a snakes belly.
Seems to me they would want those rat snakes in New York!

Funny Stuff!

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from chadlove wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

Brownie points for identifying the snake in the pic. It's a species New Yorkers might even warm to, because it's notorious for eating other snakes.

They don't, however, stand a chance against young boys...

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from 2Poppa wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

The milk snake?

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from MaxPower wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

My guess is a King Snake.

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from crm3006 wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

One of the varieties of King snakes. As snaky as New York is, folks up there might not warm up to a snake that eats other snakes.

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from buckeye wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

This story reminds me of my wife, the other day she came running into the house screaming about a snake in the garage. It was just a little garter snake, but you would have thought it was a king cobra.

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from seadog wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

You would think anything that eats rats would be real popular in NY. I don't get why people are terrified of things that can't hurt them. I spent some time in Jamaica--the country. There are lizards all over that island & half the people there are terrified of them--I'm talkin the little ones about 6 inches long.

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Dave DiBenedetto wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

As someone who has watched the rats scurry around the NYC subway tracks for years I can attest that they could use a few more snakes in the 'hood. -D

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from ranger2 wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

I know what I am bringing with me on my next trip back East! I wonder how that would go over at the Statue of Liberty? I will have to bring a Gadsden "Don't Tread on Me" flag to go with it- talk about a political statement!

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from 2Poppa wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

cooner-
You gave me my 1st laugh for the day ... a big + for ya!

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Hunter Savage wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

2poppa
happy to help . : )

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from FloridaHunter1226 wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

Now we know what could bring New York City to chaos....

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from chadlove wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

A couple of you got it mostly right. It's a speckled king snake. Gentle, easily tamed, a great species which which to introduce your budding naturalist children to the wonders of nature.

I've caught dozens and dozens of speckled kings and I don't think I've ever had one actually strike at me.

But if you're a rattlesnake of comparable size and you run into of these guys then you will more than likely end up being digested.

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Jere Smith wrote 2 years 32 weeks ago

Many New Yorkers are all blow and no go! I have never been afraid of any snakes but Cottonmouths,Rattlers,Copperheads and Coral Snakes! And since I don/t get close I have never been bitten.

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from nc30-06 wrote 2 years 31 weeks ago

My wife is terrified of snakes, to the point that she doesn't even want to hear the word "snake". I refer to them as "meat ropes" when the subject comes up around her. I am not afraid of them, but don't really want to be around them. I won't kill a blacksnake, kingsnake or the little green snakes. Copperheads are another story.

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from nc30-06 wrote 2 years 31 weeks ago

I have eaten rattlesnake and it is good. I have not seen any around where I live, so it would be good if there were restaurants that had rattlesnake on the menu.

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

Post a Comment

 

All submitted comments are subject to the rules set forth in our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.