Two Scottish Nuns arive in the U.S. by boat. One says to the other, "I hear people in the U.S. eat dogs." The other is suprised and says, "That's odd. I guess if we are to live here, we may as well do as they do." Agreeing, the Mother Superior spots a hot dog stand and walks right up. She orders, "We'll take two dogs please." The vendor wraps up two hot dogs in tin foil and hands them over. The nuns stroll to a nearby bench and take a seat. They begin unwrapping their dogs and Mother Superior gets hers open and begins to blush. She leans over to the other nun and whispers, "What part of the dog did you get?"

Well, it's not a joke per se, but it's funny:

I had just proposed to my wife. We were in the backyard at my parents' house. She was crying, we were hugging, and the usual array of emotion and affection that accompanies such an event. As we're enjoying the moment, off to my left I hear the sounds of repeated retching. My 100 lb. yellow lab, Magnum, was puking up his dinner, as though to suggest my new fiancee and I take our affections somewhere that he didn't have to see.

Great Directions here for a real clean toilet!!! easy too!!!!

1. Lift both lids on your toilet bowl and add a couple of capfuls of shampoo to the water.

2. Go to the other room where the cat is sleeping, pick it up and soothe it while you carry it towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (You may need to stand on the lid, afterwards). The cat will self agitate and make ample suds.
(Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.)

4. Flush the toilet three or four times.
(This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse")

5. Have someone open the closest door to the outside (Be sure that no one is between the toilet and the outside door.)

6. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

7. The cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside where it will dry itself. After this procedure, both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean!

Sincerely,
The Dog

OK, a traveling salesman walks up to an old farmer and a dog sitting on his porch. The salesman ask the farmer "Does your dog bite?" The farmer replies "Nope." So the salesman reaches down to pet the dog and the dog bites him. The salesman jumps back, grabs his bleeding hand and yells "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!". The farmer calmly replies "That ain't my dog."

Harry knocked at the door. He was picking up Sally for their first date. Sally's dad, Mr. Murphy, opened the door. Sally was still getting ready so her dad invited Harry in.

Harry took a seat in the living room. They talked for a bit and Mr. Murphy went back to reading his newspaper. Jake, their dog, wandered over next to Harry.

Harry really needed to pass some gas but didn't want to embarrass himself in front of Mr. Murphy. He looked down at Jake and figured he could blame the dog. So Harry let out a little blurp.

"Jake." said Mr. Murphy.

Harry was elated. Mr. Murphy thought it was the dog. So he let out a bit more.

"Jake." said Mr. Murphy.

Harry knew his plan was working so just let it all out.

"Jake!" said Mr. Murphy, as he peered over the paper, "Get away from that boy before he dumps on you."

Bob was reading the classified ads and came across a post that read "For Sale: Talking Dog. Free to good home." Naturally he was curious, so he went to the address listed on the ad.

An old man answered the door and explained, "Yes, I've had this dog for a while now, but I can't keep him any more. And yes, he does talk. Go ask him yourself. There he is out back." He pointed to an old chocolate lab lying in the sunshine.

Bob walked over to the dog and said hello. To his surprise, the dog looked up and answered "Hey there."

Bob was astonished. "You're really a talking dog?"

The dog replied "Sure am. All my life."

"Well, what are you doing here with this old man?"

"Oh," the dog said "that's Jimmy. He's been taking good care of me ever since I got out of the military. I used to sniff for IEDs in Iraq and Afghanistan for the US Army. I got a little too old for that, though, so I transferred home and joined the Dept of Homeland Security, working at Airports. Before the military, though, I worked with the K-9 unit of the NYPD. I was single-handedly responsible for the capture of dozens of fleeing felons. Way back when I was a puppy, though, I thought I was going to be an actor. Yeah, I used to hang out with Bingo and the Taco Bell chihuahua at fancy Hollywood parties. Had a lot of luck with the ladies, but I developed a horrible drug habit. Once I cleaned myself up, I founded a rehab program helping underpriviledged people kick their addictions."

Bob listed in amazement as the dog gave his long and fascinating life story. Finally, he turned to the old man and said "Mister, I know you said you can't take keep him, but why are you just giving him away?"

The old man says "Because he's a big fat liar!"

If you don't believe a dog is truly man's best friend, try this experiment: Put your dog and your wife in the truck of your car for an hour. When you open the trunk, who is happy to see you?

one day at a butcher shop a dog walked in with a bag in his mouth. The butcther took the bag out of his mouth. and said "Well boy what cha got here". Inside there was money and a list of cold cuts, so the butcher shrugged his shoulders and filled the bag up and took the money. The then used his head to push open the door and walked out. The butcher, now intrigued, followed the dog out, keeping his distance, he watched as the dog sat down beside the bench at the bus stop. As the first bus came by and stopped the butcher noticed that the dog stood up read the number on the front of the bus shook his head and sat back down. That bus left and the next bus came by, as like the last one, the dog stood up and looked at the number. The butcher noticed the dog nod his head and walk right on the bus, the butcher, still curious followed. Three stops later the dog got off the bus and walked about a block, the butcher following him. The looked at the house and ran up the steps hitting his head on the door so loud the butcher would have sworn it was a gunshot if he hadn't of seen it. The dog did this 4 or 5 more times till a middle aged man answered the door. The man at the door kicked the dog inside, the butcher hollered at the man and said "Wow, bud that has to be the smartest dog i've ever seen'. The man at the door said "Smart, that is the 3rd time that dumb dog hs forgotten his keys"

Thought this was pretty funny.

10 Reasons Why It's Great to be a Dog:

1. If it itches, you can reach it. And no matter where it itches, no one will be offended if you scratch it in public.

2. No one notices if you have hair growing in weird places as you get older.

3. Personal hygiene is a blast: No one expects you to take a bath every day, and you don't even have to comb your own hair.

4. Having a wet nose is considered a sign of good health.

5. No one thinks less of you for passing gas. Some people might actually think you're cute.

6. Who needs a big home entertainment system? A bone or an old shoe can entertain you for hours.

7. You can spend hours just smelling stuff.

8. No one ever expects you to pay for lunch or dinner. You never have to worry about table manners, and if you gain weight, it's someone else's fault.

9. It doesn't take much to make you happy. You're always excited to see the same old people. All they have to do is leave the room for five minutes and come back.

10. Every garbage can looks like a cold buffet to you.

A man is on a very busy street corner when a politician comes up to him. The man holds up a box of newborn puppies and asks "would you like to buy a puppy? They are democrats." The politician laughed at such a comment and said "I will bring back my daughter in a few weeks so she can pick one out."
Sure enough a few weeks later the politician comes back with his daughter. He says "Here you go hunny pick out your very own puppy. I know you wanted one from the humane society but these ones are democrats!" The man selling the puppies says "I am sorry Sir but these puppies are republicans." The politician was puzzled by this. He had to know what changed. They were obviously the same puppies he saw the other week, so he asked "They were democrats a few weeks ago so why are they republicans today?" The man smiled and said "Their eyes finally opened up!"

A big time lawyer from New York went pheasant huting in South Dakota. He shot a rooster while it was in the air. It happen to land in a feild next to were he was hunting across a fence.

A farmer was in the feild with his tractor and saw it land on his side. The lawyer sent his dog after the retrieve threw the fence to go get the pheasant.

As the dog reach it the farmer screamed no put that down! Thats my pheasant. The lawyer said no it's not. I shot it. it's mine. The farmer said it landed on my feild it's mine call your dog back!

The lawyer told the farmer that he was the best lawyer in N.Y. and he would sue him for every thing he has.

The farmer said in South Dakota we don't sue people to settle dispute. We do by the 1,2, 3 kick.

The lawyer said. The 1, 2, 3 kick. Whats that?

The farmer said we kick each other until one give up. And the one who give up first can have the pheasant.

The lawyer was a body builder also. As he size up the farmer as he got off his tractor. He agreed to the 1, 2, 3 kick and too went threw the fence.

The farmer said. I get to go first. cause the pheasant landed in my field. The lawyer said ok.

Well the farmer kick him in the growing and the lawyer bent over in pain. Then the farmer kick him in the nose. all most took it off. As the lawyer tryed to get up. The farmer went and kick him in the kidnees,

The lawyer went down hard. As he muster all his strength he had to get to his feet.

He Said. NOW IT'S MY TURN.

The farmer said. Nope I give up.

You can have the pheasant but you look a little rough you had better have the dog carry it!

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by; they fired, and a duck fell.

The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?" "I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim."

I had my dog acessed by a well known pro who said,"Your dog doesnt know sit"!I replied he hups he`s English!

Here is a classic...

Little Johnnie's teacher asked him how his weekend was.

"Horribly, a car hit my dog in the ass," he said.

She said, "Rectum."

"Wrecked him?" Johnnie said. "Damn near killed him!"

This guy is sitting in a bar with his Boykin (do we get suck-up points?) in Missouri watching the Rams play the Chiefs. After a while the Rams get a first down and the dog goes nuts running around barking. The bartender says “Wow, he gets pretty excited watching the Rams.” The guy says “Yeah, he always does that.” The Chiefs get a punt and make a big return, the dog goes crazy again barking and jumping and running around. Bartender says “He likes the Chiefs to?” The guy says “Yeah, he’s a big Show-Me fan, he likes all the teams.’ So the bartender asks “If he gets this excited about 1st downs and punts, what does he do for touchdowns and wins?” The guy replies “I dunno. He’s only a 2 year-old”

"This is a Dog Letters To God"
Dear God: How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom smell one another? Where are their priorities?
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Dear God: Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not one named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! I know every breed cannot have its own model, but it would be easy to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Labrador.
Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God: Is it true that in heaven dining room tables have on-ramps?
Dear God: If we come back as humans, is that good or bad?
Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?
Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

A MAN TIED HIS GREAT DANE OUTSIDE THE GROCERY STORE AND WENT IN TO DO SOME SHOPPING. A LITTLE WHILE LATER ANOTHER MAN CAME OVER TO HIM AND ASKED HIM IF THE GREAT DANE OUTSIDE WAS HIS. HE TOLD HIM THAT IT WAS AND THEN THE MAN SAID, "WELL I'M SORRY TO TELL YOU THIS, BUT I BELIEVE MY DOG JUST KILLED YOUR DOG. "THE OWNER OF THE GREAT DANE LOOKED AT HIM AND ASKED HIM WHAT KIND OF DOG HE HAD TO WHICH HE REPLIED THAT HE HAD A CHIHUAHUA. THE MAN JUST LOOKED AT HIM AS IF HE'D LOST HIS MIND AND ASKED HOW COULD THAT BE. THE OTHER MAN SAID, "WELL I'M AFRAID HE CHOKED ON HIM.

Two retired British Generals at a nursing home in rocking chairs sipping Brandy, smoking cigars and sharing old tales. One General says:

“You know, I can remember my first assignment for her majesties royal army. I was commissioned to India, and wanting to set a good example for my men I set out on point. There I was, hacking away into the deep dark boondocks… when all of a sudden this great big Bengally Tiger jumps out at me. RRROOOAAARRR!!!!!! “ (making tiger claws with hands up)

He paused for a second in embarrassment, then continued,

“Well, I must admit, I soiled myself.”

The second General chimes in:

“Oh no worries old chap. I would have done the same thing. Had I been leading point into the deep dark boondocks wanting to set a good example on my first assignment and had a great big Bengally tiger jumped out at me… I too would have soiled myself.”

“No,no,no.” replied the first general. “Not when the great big Bengally tiger jumped out at me. Just now when I went ‘RROOOAARRRR!!!”

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by; they fired, and a duck fell.

The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?" "I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim."

There once was a dog crossing some railroad tracks on his way home, and as he was just about over them his tail got stuck in the tracks. He turned and noticed a train was heading directly at him, so he got scared and turned to grab his tail with his mouth to pull it out. At that time, the train hit him cutting off his head.

Moral of the story: DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD OVER A LITTLE PIECE OF TAIL!!!

Q: What does a dog do when he's board in class?
A: He labradoodles on the edge of his paper

This morning I went down to sign my dog up for welfare. At first the lady said, "Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare". I explained to her that my dog is a mix in color, unemployed, lazy, can't speak english and has no frigging clue who his daddy is. He expects me to feed him, provide him with housing and medical care, and feel guilty because he is a dog.

Well she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My dog gets his first check friday.

Is this a great country or what ?

Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and were eager to try it out for themselves. They had read that a birddog is a great and useful accessory in bird hunting, so they decided to go to the pet shop and buy one. They asked for a well-trained birddog, and got one. The two blondes immediately went to the woods to try it out. The dog didn't work. No matter how hard they tried, it just didn't follow their commands. They became really frustrated and one of the blondes said to her companion, “Okay, we'll give him one more try. We'll throw him in the air one more time and if he doesn't fly, we're taking him back to the store!”

Forty things you'll never hear a Southerner say:

40. Oh I just couldn't, hell, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight..
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's not safe.
30. Wrasslin's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Little Debbie snack cakes have too much fat.
24. Who's Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
12. My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. You can't feed that to the dog.
9. Checkmate.
8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
5. I don't have a favorite college team.
4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
3. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
2. Elvis who?
The #1 thing you would NEVER hear a Southerner say
1. Honey, we don't need another dog.

I walked into the local bluegrass jam one night & told everyone I had a new instrument.

I informed everyone it was a new banjo...
but not just any banjo...
I had a banjo that would do something no one else's would...
I could get my banjo to bark.

I then proceeded to show them a picture of my new chocolate lab pup named Banjo!

WHEN I WAS 16 YRS OLD,BACK IN THE 50'S,I HAD A COON DOG THAT WAS THE BEST IN WEST VIRGINIA.HE DIED IN 1956 WHILE I WAS IN KOREA.MY UNCLE KNEW HOW MUCH I LOVED THAT OL DOG SO HE HAD HIS HIDE TANNED AND MADE INTO SHOELACES.I GOT STATIONED IN CLINTON COUNTY OHIO UPON MY RETURN BACK TO THE STATES.IT SEEMED EVERYONE WAS A COON HUNTER.I SOON FELL IN WITH SOME OF THEM.WE WERE OUT TRAINING SOME PUPS ONE NIGHT AND I HAD A PAIR OF THOSE SHOELACES IN MY BOOTS.WE HIT A HOT TRACK AND THOSE BOOTS LIKE TO HAVE RUN ME TO DEATH BEFORE I GOT THEM OFF.

I named my dog "Stay" You should see me try to call him home....you know "come heeere...Stay. Come here, Stay. Stay, come here."

Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
A: He stole the show

Q: What kind of dog does Dracula have?
A: A bloodhound

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It doesn't matter what you call him because he still wont come

I really want to post the beagle joke I really do, darn my conscious

here is a few

what has 4 legs and no ears?.........mike tyson's dog

what kind of dog does dracula like?........a bloodhound

which dog can tell time?.........a watchdog

when is black dog not a black dog?...when its a greyhound

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Where ever you left it.

After Elmer backed over his sleeping hound with the truck, he tearfully rushed his beloved dog to the vet. "Please tell me he's not dead," Elmer begged. The vet checked the dog's vital signs and pronounced the dog dead. "Please, Doc, there must be something else you can do," Elmer cried. "I can get a second opinion," the vet told Elmer. He called in the vet's assistant--she took the vital signs and confirmed that the dog was dead. "No no no it can't be true, do something, anything" Elmer pleaded. The vet told him there was one more test. The assistant brought in a cat and set the animal on the table. The cat walked around the table barely paying any attention to the dead dog. That confirms it, the vet said, the cat is never wrong. Later, Elmer got the vet's bill for $525. Shocked, Elmer rushed in to challenge the high bill. "You charged me $525 and all you did was pronounce the dog dead. That's outrageous!" shouted Elmer. No, the vet said. It was $25 to pronounce the dog dead. It was $500 for the cat-scan.

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?" "I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim.

Shoot... I missed that Spartan posted it

A duck hunter was getting alot of crap from his friends about how bad him and his dog sucked at duck hunting.

His friend invite him out to see just how bad him and his dog are.

First bird flys BANG! bird goes down
the dog walks out on water and retrieves the duck and brings it back and sits.

Bang next duck down the dog once again goes out and walks on the water and makes a retrieve.

This goes on all morning.

Guys says "what do you think now"

one of his friend replies and says "Shoot man your dog can even swim"

Your sitting on the couch watching TV and suddenly you hear your dog barking wanting in the back door and your wife yelling wanting in the front door. So your faced with a decision to make. Which one do you let in first?

A: You should let the dog in first because it will quit barking.

Not really a joke, just thought it is kind of funny that years ago you could order your dog(bluetick, walker, pointers) out of a Sears and Robuck catalog. My girlfriends father actually did this.

Guy walks into his house with a new dog in tow, says "This is the pig i've been screwing"
His wife says "That's not a pig, it's a dog."
Guy says "I wasn't talking to you."

A young Idian boy was talking with his father a great Indian Chief. The boy asked Father how did you name my oldest brother. The Chief replied after your brother was conceived I left the Teepee and the first thing I observed was an Eagle in the sky so I named him "Soars with Eagle". The boy then asked again Father how did you name my next oldest brother. The Father replied again after your brother was conceived I left the Teepee and the first thing I observed was a Bear running in the field so i named hin "Running Bear". Then the Chief said "Why do you ask Two Dogs Mating"

what has four legs and no ears mike tysons dog

A three legged dog walked into a bar. He looked around and then said, "I lookin for the fella who shot my Pa." (paw)

A guy goes over to his girlfirend's house to meet her parents. Unfortunately, his nerves make him quite "gassy." Halfway through dinner, he just can't hold it in any longer, so he lets a tiny fart escape.

"SPOT!" calls out his girlfriends' mother to the family dog, lying at the guy's feet.

Relieved at the dog's having been blamed, he lets another, slightly larger one go. "Spot!" she calls out again. "I've got it made," thought the fellow to himself, "one more and I'll feel fine." So he lets loose a really big one.

"Spot!" yells the mother. "Get over here before he craps on you!"

oh crap, i didnt realize someone had the same one as me... heres another...

A guy decides he wants to learn how to hunt. Needing a good hunting dog, he visits a farmer who has been advertising hounds in the newspaper. The farmer shows him several dogs, but the guy doesn't like them. Then he spots one hound that the farmer hasn't shown him. The guys asks, "What about that one?" "Oh, no," the farmer replies. "That one's my special dog." "What's so special about him?" "Let me show you."

The farmer leads the guy and the dog to a field, lifts up one of the dog's ears, and orders, "Go find the birds!" The dog charges to a nearby bush, points and barks once. "That means there's one bird in that bush," says the farmer. "No way!" exclaims the guy. The farmer takes a stick and pokes the bush, and a huge pheasant flies out.

To further convince the guy, the farmer again lifts the dog's ear and repeats, "Go find the birds!" This time the dog streaks off to another bush, points, and barks twice. "That means there's two birds in there," says the farmer,taking his stick and poking at the bush. Two huge pheasants pop out and fly away.

"I've gotta have that dog!" says the man. "Well, okay," replies the farmer. "But it's gonna cost you a bundle." The guy forks over the bucks and takes the dog.

A month later, the farmer has to go to the city, and decides to visit the guy who bough his prize hound. When he asked the guy about the dog, the man replies, "A couple of buddies and I went hunting, and when we got to a field the wierdest thing happened. I went up to the dog, lifted one of his ears, and said 'Go find the birds.' The dog took off like a bat outta "heck" and ran into the field, barking and running around like crazy. Then he jumped on my leg and started humping it. After that, he grabbed a stick and started shaking it violently at me! I thought he'd gone nuts for sure, or maybe had rabies or something. So I shot it."

"You blithering idiot!" yelled the farmer. "He was just telling you that there's more birds out there than you could shake a stick at!"

I was on Safari in South Africa and had my dog Zeke along with me.

We came upon some elephants and when one big bull caught sight Zeke he said to him "That's impressive, but can you pick up peanuts with it?"

Farmer Brown bought a 'well trained' black Lab that the that the trainer said was so good he walk on water. So he took the dog down to his pond and threw a dummy into the middle. The dog waited until sent. Sure enough the dog ran across the top of the water, grabbed the dummy and returned to shore barely getting his feet wet. His neighbor was such renowned sceptic and old grouch that Farmer Brown could hardly wait to show off his dog's skills.

When opotunity arrived, Farmer Brown did not tell his neighbor, Farmer Dave, the details of his dogs ability. Farmer Brown tossed the dummy into the middle of the pond and again his dog waited until sent. The dog again ran across the top of the water, retrieved the dummy, and returned to shore, again barely getting his feet wet.

At this point Farmer Brown waited anxiously for his neighbor's reply.

After scratching his chin for a moment, Farmer Dave replied rather droly, " I see your dog can't swim."

A young Indian boy went to his father with a question. "Father," he asked, "why do Indians have such beautiful, poetic names?"
"My son," his father replied, "after an Indian child is born, the father steps out of the teepee to announce the birth. The first thing the father sees upon stepping out of the teepee becomes the name of the child. For instance, when your brother was born, the first thing I saw was an eagle soaring high above the cliffs, so I named him 'Flying Eagle.' When your sister was born, I saw a doe running through the meadow, so I named her 'Running Doe.' Tell me, Two Dogs Humping, why do you ask?"