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By David E. Petzal and Philip Bourjaily
Recognizing that the last rant may have been just a tad grim, it’s time to return to the realm of unbridled hilarity, courtesy of the M-1 rifle, which gave us what several generations of American servicemen knew as “M-1 Thumb.”
In the Manual of Arms, there was a movement called “Inspection Arms.” You stood at attention with your M-1 held diagonally across your torso with your left hand at the rifle’s balance point. When you were given Inspection Arms you placed the outer edge of your right hand on the rifle’s operating-rod handle and shoved the handle smartly to the rear, opening the bolt, which was held open by a small catch.
The command to close your bolt was “Port Arms.” On “Port,” which was the preparatory command, you shoved down on the follower with your right thumb and with the edge of your right hand you pushed the bolt very slightly to the rear, which disengaged the catch. After “Port” rang out, you could hear a lot of clicking, and the command of execution, “Arms” came a couple of heartbeats later.... [ Read Full Post ]
By David E. Petzal and Philip Bourjaily
Now that we’ve got the poor old T-rex shot to pieces, here’s another hypothetical-choice rant. Pay attention, because things are going to happen fast.
Sept. 11, 2006: On the advice of the CIA, President Bush orders the invasion of Iran. However, the only troops available are 31 court stenographers from the Judge Advocate General’s Corps in Washington, D.C.
Sept. 12: Citing “increased security concerns,” Vice President Cheney begins carrying a handgun.
Sept. 17: While practicing his fast draw, the Vice President accidentally shoots a member of his Secret Service detail. The remaining agents instinctively return fire, giving the Veep his Sixth and Final Deferment.
Sept. 20: With no one to tell him what to do, President Bush returns to his ranch at Crawford, Texas, where his only audible words are " ... heckuva job”
Sept. 25: Citing “ ... catastrophic lack of leadership,” Senator Hillary Clinton appoints herself President Of the United States for Life. Her first official act is to disband both Congress and the Supreme Court. Her second is to order the execution by firing squad of William Jefferson Clinton.
[ Read Full Post ]
By Dave Hurteau & Chad Love
Since the last time the National Marine Fisheries Service (NMFS) reviewed the status of Puget Sound steelhead in 1996, the trout’s numbers have fallen steeply. In September 2004, noting distinct downward trends in steelhead populations, retired fish biologist Sam Wright of Olympia, Oregon, urged the government to reconsider the fish for federal protection. NMFS has listened, recently proposing that they be listed as “threatened” under the Endangered Species Act.
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/12093688/ [ Read Full Post ]
By Dave Hurteau & Chad Love
On Wednesday, the Illinois Department of Natural Resources announced that after a 2-1/2-year investigation dubbed "Operation Mongo," authorities have busted 14 poachers. The charges include spearing bullfrogs out of season, spotlighting deer, and illegal possession of an endangered timber rattlesnake and the severed feet of a protected owl. Maybe “Operation Weirdoes” would have been a better name.
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/custom/newsroom/chi-060406poach,1,5289073.story?coll=chi-news-hed&ctrack=1&cset=true [ Read Full Post ]
By Dave Hurteau & Chad Love
A wild turkey, know as Rufus to the owners and patrons of Culdesac, Idaho’s Jacques Spur Junction Cafe, has been making a good living and gaining notoriety by charming diners out of their leftovers in the eatery’s parking lot. But with the state’s turkey season starting in a week, Rufus had best stick close to Jacques. That is, as long as he doesn’t come inside, cook Kristie McDaide told the Lewiston Tribune. "I'd throw him right in my pot."
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/04/04/AR2006040401570.html [ Read Full Post ]
By Dave Hurteau & Chad Love
A month ago, Mechanicsville, VA, angler Clay Armstrong pulled a 52-inch striped bass from the Atlantic Ocean just south of Sandbridge. The fish has now been certified, and its official weight of 68 pounds, 1 ounce, easily overtakes the previous Virginia state record of 63 pounds, 8 ounces. Here's the story, from the Richmond Times-Dispatch.
http://www.timesdispatch.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=RTD%2FMGArticle%2FRTD_BasicArticle&c=MGArticle&cid=1137834664486&path=!sports&s=1045855934844 [ Read Full Post ]
By Dave Hurteau & Chad Love
Speaking to the Cincinnati Community Press, Ohio archer Bill Wolf recalls a recent hunt during which two deer walked under his stand. “At first, I was just looking for an opportunity to get one of them. Then I saw them both lined up. I thought, 'This just might work.'" And it did. Wolf’s arrow passed through the vitals of both deer, killing the two of them almost instantly.
http://news.communitypress.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060405/SPT/604050619/1078/Local
No doubt, it was a heck of shot, but it begs a question: Was it ethical? Would you take it? Let us know what you think in the comments box below. [ Read Full Post ]
By Dave Hurteau & Chad Love
With a booming market for deer and elk antlers, some Western stays have been looking for ways to control an increasingly unmanageable influx of shed hunters. Judging by this Casper Star Tribune story, wolves would make an effective—if extreme—deterrent. "They had full intentions of coming in to get me," said Idaho shed hunter Daniel Woodbridge of a pair of black wolves that sent him retreating to his vehicle. "They were just waiting for the right time."
http://www.casperstartribune.net/articles/2006/04/04/news/regional/01531f258b8041ac87257145006cea0e.txt [ Read Full Post ]
By David E. Petzal and Philip Bourjaily
On Thursday, March 30, the U.S. Repeating Arms Company plant in New Haven paid out its last paychecks to its 186 remaining workers and closed its doors, probably forever. However, the City of New Haven and the State of Connecticut are unwilling to let the poor, 140-year-old company die a dignified death.
Governor Jodie Rell has pledged to save everyone’s job, and New Haven Mayor John DeStafano, Jr. has invited other gunmakers to inspect USRAC’s corpse. Apparently Smith & Wesson and Savage (which itself nearly died in the early 1990s) have taken a look, but have been unwilling to put the electric paddles to the Big Red W.
Who can blame them? About 20 years ago when Colt got into terminal do-do, the City of Hartford and the State of Connecticut and whatever union was involved tried to save the enterprise, but that combination could kill off kudzu. Colt continues to limp along, sort of, but it’s never been turned around. Old machinery, incompetent management, and a dated product line will do it every time. Just ask General Motors.
Back... [ Read Full Post ]
By Dave Hurteau & Chad Love
Guided hog hunting has become big business in Texas, California, Florida, and elsewhere. But in Kansas, it’s a big problem, according to state officials who say the imported swine spread disease to livestock and damage farmland and wildlife habitat. The solution recently passed in the state House and Senate is a bill to outlaw pay-to-play hog hunting, which now needs only the Governor’s signature. In other words, you may want look elsewhere for a guided hog hunt this year.
http://www.hutchnews.com/news/regional/stories/hog040406.html [ Read Full Post ]
By Dave Hurteau & Chad Love
With two terriers and a beagle recently munched, Chicago-area suburban coyotes seem to have discovered a taste for small-breed domestic dogs. In this latest incident, reported in the Chicago Tribune, a “wild-eyed” coyote had just begun snacking on the hindquarters of a miniature poodle named Annie in a mall parking lot. Seeing this, owner Cissy Lacks grabbed her pet by the front legs, pulled for dear life, and eventually won a harrowing 15-second-long tug of war, as the coyote gave up and sauntered away. Naturally, we at F&S are overjoyed to learn that after a day of recovery, Annie, according to Lacks, is no longer “very, very sad.”
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/chi-0604040155apr04,1,3428514.story?coll=chi-newsnationworld-hed&ctrack=1&cset=true [ Read Full Post ]
By Dave Hurteau & Chad Love
As if Pacific salmon don’t have enough problems, sea lions are camping out at Bonneville Dam on the Columbia River and chowing down on migrating Chinook salmon. Check out this USA Today article on one particularly crafty beast, known as C404, which has repeatedly thwarted the Army Corps of Engineers’ best effort to get rid of him, which include firecrackers, rockets, and rubber bullets.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/2006-03-31-sealion_x.htm [ Read Full Post ]
By David E. Petzal and Philip Bourjaily
Gun cleaning is like scooping the kitty litter box; it’s not uplifting or exciting, but you'd better do it (them kittycats believe in payback).
The key ingredient in all gun cleaning is the rod. Boy, have I seen some lousy rods out there. The worst ones let all the abrasive stuff that accumulates in your bore embed itself, which turns the rod into a file, and then they bend, which guarantees they’ll scrape against the rifling. Years ago, I saw a .22 with a chamber that was actually worn egg-shaped by misuse of a cleaning rod.
If you’re looking for a good rod, the best I’ve seen are made by Neil A. Jones in Saegertown, Pennsylvania. They’re spring steel; they will not bend, they will not let stuff embed, and they come in three diameters. You can flex one almost double and it will snap back straight, probably taking your eye with it. The one thing these rods will do is rust, so you are advised to keep them someplace dry when not in use. www.neiljones.com. Lots of neat stuff on that website. [ Read Full Post ]
By Dave Hurteau & Chad Love
Only a month and half ago, Preston Clark broke the record for the largest bass ever caught during the Bassmaster Classic by pulling an 11-pound, 10-ounce lunker from Lake Toho. Now he’s set another mark. At the BASS Elite Series Santee Cooper Showdown, the Florida pro put a total of 115 pounds and 15 ounces of bass on the scales, enough to win the event, take home $100,000, and smash Dean Rojas’ previous four-day total record by more than 7 pounds. Here’s the story from Clark’s hometown paper.
http://www.palatkadailynews.com/articles/2006/04/04/sports/sports02.txt [ Read Full Post ]
By Dave Hurteau & Chad Love
According to this San Diego Union Tribune story, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service’s recent request for $141 million to fund the Endangered Species Act next year included a surprising admission: the agency doesn’t know whether the program is effective. Due to a lack of funding, say officials, the USFWS cannot even describe in general terms the status of more than 500 listed species. With the Senate soon to consider a rewrite of the act, this uncertainty is bound to play a role in the process. Whether it leads to more or less radical change, however, is still up in the air.
http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/metro/20060403-9999-1n3status.html [ Read Full Post ]
By Dave Hurteau & Chad Love
I really do try to avoid stereotypes. I know it’s not necessarily so that all brides-to-be want big white weddings. But any guy who can get his fiance to agree to this deserves notice. Congratulations William Nickel—you appear to have the perfect woman.
http://www.fortwayne.com/mld/journalgazette/14241988.htm [ Read Full Post ]
By David E. Petzal and Philip Bourjaily
I buy a lot of my gun stuff from Cabela’s, and since many of you are probably customers, I thought I’d pass this along.
Some years ago, a friend of mine ordered a pair of Malone pants (which are heavy wool pants) in the springtime, took them out of the package and put them away until fall. When hunting season arrived, he put them on only to find that they were way too big. So he sent them to Cabela’s with a whiney note complaining that they’d sent him size 46 when he’s ordered 42, and could they please get it right this time?
After a few days he received a Cabela’s package with a pair of size 42 Malone trousers and a note:
“Dear Mr. T*****g: Enclosed are your size 42 Malone trousers. We hope you enjoy them. By the way, the pants you sent us came from L.L. Bean.”
As he puts it, “For the price of a pair of pants I’m theirs for life.”
If the U.S. government operated with the efficiency of the Cabela’s catalog service we would have rebuilt... [ Read Full Post ]
By David E. Petzal and Philip Bourjaily
Robert B. Parker is an absolutely terrific mystery writer (hell, he’s an absolutely terrific writer, period) whose long-running Spenser series has no greater fan than I. However, like most all the detective writers I’ve read, Mr. Parker’s knowledge of guns is, to put it kindly, limited.
In a recent book, Cold Service, one of the principal characters is ambushed. I quote:
“Somebody…shoots me three times with a big rifle. Good shooter, grouped all three shots between my shoulder blades. Missed the spine, missed the heart, plowed up pretty much of the rest.”
And this character not only survives, but after some time in rehab, is back as good as new.
Now we’ve all seen what rifle bullets do, and I don’t have to tell you what a load this is. The movies and video games do it too—reduce gunshots to the status of stubbed toes. This in turn makes gun violence glamorous, since the messy consequences are ignored.
So I suggest to Senators Hillary, Chuckie, Barbara, and Diane that they propose a bill that would require all creative enterprises to realistically depict gunshot wounds--what they really look like, what they do, and their consequences.
As a ridge-running redneck who liked to shoot revenue... [ Read Full Post ]
By Dave Hurteau & Chad Love
At the Santee Cooper Bassmaster Elite Series event Thursday, Alton Jones had what he called his best day ever in a tournament, weighing in over 35 pounds worth of bass—enough to put him into second place . Five hours after the scales closed, though, B.A.S.S. announced that Jones was disqualified for having had assistance in operating his boat while he spotted fish during the official practice period. Sound familiar? Kevin Van Dam was DQd for a very similar violation on Monday.
http://www.bassfan.com/news_article.asp?ID=1672 [ Read Full Post ]
By Dave Hurteau & Chad Love
If you’re looking to catch a state-record striped bass, you might want to plan a trip to Florida’s Apalachicola River, where Tallahassee angler Travis Sanford caught a 42-pounder last week that missed the state-record mark by a mere 1/4 pound. State biologist think there may be bigger stripers yet to be landed there. Check out the photo of Sanford catch below.
http://story.waltonsun.com/article.display.db.php?a=647 [ Read Full Post ]
By Dave Hurteau & Chad Love
Conservation Editor Bob Marshall reveals that the Department of the Interior's new claim of wetlands growth holds no water.
The Bush Administration announced last week that the nation is no longer losing wetlands--as long as you consider golf course water hazards to be wetlands.
Really.
Thursday, Interior Secretary Gale Norton called a press conference to claim our long nightmare of wetlands loss had finally come to an end due to unprecedented gains since 1997 (http://wetlandsfws.er.usgs.gov/status_trends/national_reports/trends_2005_report.pdf) However, she then admitted much of that gain has been in artificially created ponds, such as golf course water hazards and farm impoundments.
The sporting community--from Ducks Unlimited to the Theodore Roosevelt Conservation Partnership--reacted quickly, and not favorably. Researchers long ago established that natural wetlands such as marshes, swamps and prairie potholes are far more productive than even the best-designed artificial wetlands. And sharp-edged water bodies like water hazards, farm ponds, and even reservoirs offer very little for wildlife. Putting man-made ponds in the same class as natural wetlands is like ranking pen-raised quail with wild coveys.
The boldness of Norton's claim was particularly galling given the Bush Administration's record on wetlands. President Bush, like other presidents before him, promised a policy of “no net loss” of wetlands, but... [ Read Full Post ]
By Dave Hurteau & Chad Love
Check out this press release from the U.S. Department of the Interior, claiming that a net increase in "wetlands" acreage since 1997 is a victory for conservation, even though this increase comes mainly from the construction of artificial ponds such as farm impoundments and golf course water hazards, many of which were created to replace natural swamps, ponds, and marshes that were filled in by developers during the same period.
http://wetlandsfws.er.usgs.gov/status_trends/national_reports/trends_2005_report.pdf
What do you think? Are artificial wetlands as good for wildlife and waterfowl as natural ones? [ Read Full Post ]
By Dave Hurteau & Chad Love
According to the National Wildlife Federation, the budget resolution recently passed by the House Budget Committee is a “victory for wildlife” in that it is free of language facilitating Arctic National Wildlife Refuge drilling or the sale of federal lands to fund rural schools.
Of the latter issue, NWF president Larry Schweiger says, "America needs a permanent solution to funding rural schools that does not abandon hunters, anglers and other outdoor enthusiasts who depend on access to public lands. Once these lands are sold they are lost forever."
This development is far from a complete victory however, as both arctic drilling and the public-land sale will come up again during the House-Senate conference process.
http://www.nwf.org/news/story.cfm?pageId=4C1206A4%2DF1F6%2D7B10%2D376837FFD21AF40D [ Read Full Post ]
By Dave Hurteau & Chad Love
If you’re a Field & Stream reader, there’s a good chance that fishing is an enriching and joyous part of your life—and an experience you may wish to share. If so, log on to the Anglers’ Legacy website linked below. As part of the national Take-Me-Fishing campaign, this resource offers all the advice and information you need to get involved locally—and take someone fishing.
http://www.anglerslegacy.com/default.aspx?id=755 [ Read Full Post ]
By Dave Hurteau & Chad Love
At the conclusion of the first-ever ice-fishing contest on Norway’s Vaagvannet Lake, none of the 66 anglers had caught any fish in the conventional manner. One Jan Petter Johansen, however, did find a couple of stickleback tangled within some seaweed he pulled in. At .07 and .05 ounces each, they won the $770 first and $154 second prizes, respectively.
http://www.suntimes.com/output/news/cst-nws-ice29.html [ Read Full Post ]