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Hunting
Best Fishin' & Huntin' Jokes Ever
Uploaded on October 23, 2010Rules:
1. No F words. $hit or (rap may be used.
2. No racist ones.
3. Make sure its funny.
4. You can get them off of the internet or give them out of your head.
5. Try to stay on the subject about the outdoors.
Go ahead and give it a shot.
Here's one to start the fun!
A young guy from MINNESOTA moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in MINNESOTA."
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down and asked, "How many customers bought something from you today?"
The kid says, "One".
The boss says, "Just one? "Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"
The kid says, "$101,237.65".
The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod.
"Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.
"Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"
The kid said "Well...No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.........'"
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a man goes hunting every year and his wife is tired of being left alone.so while he is getting ready she tells him "i'm sick and tired of being left home alone,i'm coming with.no matter how hard he tries,he can't talk her out of it,so he gives in.it's the day of the hunt and he gets her out there in her stand and is walking back to his when he heres a gunshot.he turns around to see his wife yelling at someone to get off her deer!the man replies:all right all right, just let me get my saddle!
I went hunting with a buddy on his property one day. So we go out and get up in your stands. Mine just happened to over look his house. I noticed that his wife was in the bedroom with another man. So I call over to him and say "hey your wifes cheating on you." He gets all angry and says" how do u know?" I respond that I can see her and him. He looks at me and says "shoot her in the head and shoot him in the junk." I look at him and tell him, "I can take care of that with one shot"
Larry the Cable guy
heard this from the pastor at church
Two guys get lost in the woods one day while hunting. The first guy looks at the second guy and says " If they are looking for us we should shoot 3 times in the air." So they both do so and nothing happens. The Second guy says to the first "think we should do it again." The First guy agrees and they do so. 15 minutes later, the first guy says to the second maybe we shouldn't have gone bow hunting
Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation
took place:
First guy:
’You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this
weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the
house next weekend.’
Second guy:
’That is nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new
deck for the pool.’
Third guy:
’Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will
remodel the kitchen for her.’
They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not
said a word. So they asked him.!
’You haven’t said anything about what you had to do to be able to come
fishing this weekend. What’s the deal?’
Fourth guy:
’I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm,
gave the wife a nudge and said, ’Fishing or Sex’ and she said, ’Wear a
sweater.’
What does a fish say when it runs into a wall? DAMMMMMMMMM!
Joe and Bob were out fishing when a funeral service passes over the bridge they're fishing by, and Bob takes off his hat and puts it over his heart. He does this until the funeral service passes by.
Joe then said "Gee Bob, I didn't know you had it in you!"
Bob then replies "It's the least I could do. After all I was married to her for 30 years."
little andy and his dad had been out fishing all morning, and when they came home little andy ran inside crying at the top of his lungs. his mother sat down and asked him what was wrong.
"Daddy caught a really, really big fish and when he was right next to the boat, daddy's fishing pole broke!"
his mother smiled and said
"Well, honey, that's okay! remember what we taught you? when something like that happens you just laugh it off."
Little andy began crying even harder as he said
"But that's what I did!"
Catch and release was created for bass fishermen. Gives them an excuse to not try to eat them.
3:30 in the morning, the phone rings. Herm answered "Hello".He listens a bit then says "How the hell should I know? Call the Coast Guard!!"
Betty rolled over and asked "Who was that honey?"
Herm said "I don't know. Some idiot wanted to know if the coast was clear."
Post a Reply
Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation
took place:
First guy:
’You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this
weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the
house next weekend.’
Second guy:
’That is nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new
deck for the pool.’
Third guy:
’Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will
remodel the kitchen for her.’
They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not
said a word. So they asked him.!
’You haven’t said anything about what you had to do to be able to come
fishing this weekend. What’s the deal?’
Fourth guy:
’I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm,
gave the wife a nudge and said, ’Fishing or Sex’ and she said, ’Wear a
sweater.’
a man goes hunting every year and his wife is tired of being left alone.so while he is getting ready she tells him "i'm sick and tired of being left home alone,i'm coming with.no matter how hard he tries,he can't talk her out of it,so he gives in.it's the day of the hunt and he gets her out there in her stand and is walking back to his when he heres a gunshot.he turns around to see his wife yelling at someone to get off her deer!the man replies:all right all right, just let me get my saddle!
I went hunting with a buddy on his property one day. So we go out and get up in your stands. Mine just happened to over look his house. I noticed that his wife was in the bedroom with another man. So I call over to him and say "hey your wifes cheating on you." He gets all angry and says" how do u know?" I respond that I can see her and him. He looks at me and says "shoot her in the head and shoot him in the junk." I look at him and tell him, "I can take care of that with one shot"
Larry the Cable guy
heard this from the pastor at church
Two guys get lost in the woods one day while hunting. The first guy looks at the second guy and says " If they are looking for us we should shoot 3 times in the air." So they both do so and nothing happens. The Second guy says to the first "think we should do it again." The First guy agrees and they do so. 15 minutes later, the first guy says to the second maybe we shouldn't have gone bow hunting
What does a fish say when it runs into a wall? DAMMMMMMMMM!
Joe and Bob were out fishing when a funeral service passes over the bridge they're fishing by, and Bob takes off his hat and puts it over his heart. He does this until the funeral service passes by.
Joe then said "Gee Bob, I didn't know you had it in you!"
Bob then replies "It's the least I could do. After all I was married to her for 30 years."
little andy and his dad had been out fishing all morning, and when they came home little andy ran inside crying at the top of his lungs. his mother sat down and asked him what was wrong.
"Daddy caught a really, really big fish and when he was right next to the boat, daddy's fishing pole broke!"
his mother smiled and said
"Well, honey, that's okay! remember what we taught you? when something like that happens you just laugh it off."
Little andy began crying even harder as he said
"But that's what I did!"
Catch and release was created for bass fishermen. Gives them an excuse to not try to eat them.
3:30 in the morning, the phone rings. Herm answered "Hello".He listens a bit then says "How the hell should I know? Call the Coast Guard!!"
Betty rolled over and asked "Who was that honey?"
Herm said "I don't know. Some idiot wanted to know if the coast was clear."
Post a Reply