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Bill Heavey's Deer Diary: Come Hell or Home Improvement

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November 05, 2007

Bill Heavey's Deer Diary: Come Hell or Home Improvement

By Bill Heavey

You don't want to move into a new old house in November. The furnace fan comes on, but the burner doesn't. You deal. Last night, in a room with unsteady towers of cardboard boxes, I tucked Emma inside my sleeping bag. We'd had hot dogs and lima beans for dinner, passing the single spoon back and forth to cut the dogs.

The vinyl window guys showed up at dawn, beating the walls from within and without. By 3 p.m., I'll have 14 new windows: solid vinyl, double-glazed, and argon-filled. That sucking sound is $8,400 leaving my Visa card account at the speed of light.

Meanwhile, my fishing buddy, Greg, is rebuilding the porch. He's a carpenter, quieter than the window guys but with a greater potential for danger. Every so often he calls me out to show another example of mind-bogglingly shoddy work by whoever built the thing 50 years ago. "They ran untreated posts right into the dirt," he says incredulously, shaking his head and exhaling cigarette smoke. "The whole thing's so rotten you could pull it down with your bare hands!" He has special ordered hemlock from a lumber yard 100 miles away.

I nod. I know nothing of carpentry, of vinyl windows and solar heat gain coefficients, or of furnace heat returns.

Here's what I do know. Right now, my Scent-Lok is tumbling around the dryer on high. My bow, boots, and climber are safe in the car trunk. I have just showered and dried my body using a bed sheet, the only clean fabric within reach.

Greg pops his head in the house. "I'm gonna need your help in about 10 minutes, okay?" he calls. "Some of this takes two men."

"You got it," I call back.

Five minutes later, I slip out the kitchen door. I release the parking break and let her roll 50 yards down the street before hitting the ignition. And then, at a high rate of speed, I proceed to the woods.

It's November, Jack.

Comments (1)

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from Don wrote 4 years 12 weeks ago

Bill, at your age, you should know better than to buy a home close to hunting season!I can't feel sorry for you! Take responsibility for your own actions.I could say more, but I have to go fix a soft spot in my floor or my Wife won't let me go hunting this weekend...Don

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from Bubba wrote 4 years 12 weeks ago

I am so fortunate.Building my own home. Two and a half miles from in-laws! They don't like me, they don't come around! (blessing in disguise?!)Wife loves venison, but can put off projects only so long! She "knows" when hunting season rolls around, but still manages to schedule projects for opening week-ends. I suppose I need to start hiding state hunting reg's pamphlet! It's been nearly six years, house still isn't complete. Floors, trim, BARN for her horses, cabinets......With a sigh, I can defer some projects, but only so long!Completion will only bring on maintenance! But I persist! Hopefully, within the next year or so, will hang completed sign and begin much needed maintenance.Metal outside, no painting except eaves! Metal roof, no hail damage! (Thank God, insured!) Two by six exterior walls, good insulation!Stained and sealed concrete floors, no chipped tile or stained carpet! So far, I've only had to add a small back porch!"The best laid plans of mice and men, may often go astray!"Bubba

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from MidnightBanjo wrote 4 years 13 weeks ago

Rifle season opens this weekend here and have I got a list of things that MUST to be done before I can go! Clean out the gutters, sweep the back porch, build a dog house, go get and stack about a rick of firewood, put the cover back on the pool(it blew off and is now a bad science experiment), Cut the grass(yes it's still green here in Oklahoma) and edge, Get the dogs to the vet for their shots, Wash out the filter in the front pond and clean the aquariums, Get the wife's car in for an oil change, Replace bulbs and the photocell for the outside lights, and finally check and retrieve my trail cams. All this with a 4-year old in tow. With any luck I'll be done by Thursday... or... I could just hire some Mexi... uh... cheap labor and be done way early looking like SUPER DAD in the process. See ya in the woods and be safe!

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from Rusty In Missouri wrote 4 years 13 weeks ago

My wife and I returned to a home in the country that sat for sixteen years. I statred a years and a half rebuilding from the ground up; I feel for all of you but NOTHING in the home improvement area stops me from the hunt. It was the reason I returned home; not to bust my a** rebuilding a house. Hunt on friends the projects will always be waiting when you return.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from Steve In Home Improvement Hell wrote 4 years 13 weeks ago

Bill,Long time fan buddy. I've been deeply immersed in my own home improvement hell for the past year and a half of which I could most assuredly write a disertation as to the absolute 'Dont's" of home improvement.The first, and of utmost importance, make darn sure-no matter their aged disability-ridden condition, that your next project dream come true house is not within a stone throws of your in-laws. I foolishly sucumbed to my wife's desperate pleas along with the barrage of how much time we'll save going back and forth caring for them etc."Buy It and They Will Come"... Somehow...the crippling effects of sciatica (sp?) and nerve damage from diabetes, has not negatively impacted the walker or cane. Good for them. Very bad for me.Do Not Acquire Said Home Down the Street From Father-In Law If He's A Retired Architect. Nuff said. I should point out here that any retired profession is not good despite the lofty feel-good feelings that may be evoked by tapping into someones knowledge repetoire of home improvement skills. Simply put, retired folks-however well meaning, have absolutely no concept of time. My father in-laws "little project" was started back in my kitchen in April.I scrimped and saved some money to buy a used small aluminum deep V fishing boat with a small tiller handle outboard back at the end of last winter. I had the foresight to realize that I would require an escape from my in-laws. I've used it twice this past year.I have had to gut the house down to the exterior walls due to termites, rewire the entire house due to exposed wire in the old cloth style insulation made popular some 50+ years ago. All of the old leaded pipes had to come out and of course, new windows, siding, gutters, and a roof. I have come to the conclusion that a crane and wrecking ball would have been much easier.But alas...the night time temps now dip into the 20's at night with daytime highs in the 40's and a buddy's farm a short two hours away bekons me. My bow and gear is stowed in my truck as I write and as soon as the workbell sounds, announcing the end of my plant shift, I will point my vehicle due West and drive to a place where I can bring my past 12 months of project hell to rest-if only for a few brief days.Wifey-poo wants a new floor layed in the upstairs bathroom. I'm hoping I'll be able to use the excuse, "Uh sorry hon, those deer carcasses hanging on gambrels in the garage won't butcher themselves now will they?"Good luck everybody and be safe!

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from bill heavey wrote 4 years 13 weeks ago

drice,if it's been up that long, the deer in your area are accustomed to the smell. i'm not much of a believer in masking scents, however. i think a deer can sift out human scent from any cocktail of smells reaching its nose.i have no science to back this opinion up. and nobody has the science to contradict it, either. that's the tricky thing about scent.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from drice wrote 4 years 13 weeks ago

Bill, I have a question on a different topic. This is my second year hunting deer and I'm trying to get up to speed on the many don'ts of the sport which brings me to: scent. Our stand (hunting with a barely teenage son) was wrapped last year in camouflage burlap which had an oily smell to it. Is this likely to mask our human scent or tip off that smart buck that something isn't right in the neighborhood.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from bill heavey wrote 4 years 13 weeks ago

merci, jean-marc. j'aime beaucoup les francais (la plupart d'eux, au moins).and jim, your hair falls out on its own schedule. trust me on this. i was bald long before marriage or daughters.bh

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from jml wrote 4 years 13 weeks ago

hello,bravo pour votre blog !jean-marcfrance

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from jstreet wrote 4 years 13 weeks ago

The stress and financial costs of home repairs, car repairs and hiding from our wives when either needs to be taken care of.Then our daughters grow up and start dating.These are the things that make our hair fall out and ultimately kill us.Jim

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from bill wrote 4 years 13 weeks ago

good for you bill I have been ducking house chores for the last two weeks i hide from my wife till the season ends...Jan 31st in CT. I can only hide so long.

0 Good Comment? | | Report

Post a Comment

from Don wrote 4 years 12 weeks ago

Bill, at your age, you should know better than to buy a home close to hunting season!I can't feel sorry for you! Take responsibility for your own actions.I could say more, but I have to go fix a soft spot in my floor or my Wife won't let me go hunting this weekend...Don

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from Bubba wrote 4 years 12 weeks ago

I am so fortunate.Building my own home. Two and a half miles from in-laws! They don't like me, they don't come around! (blessing in disguise?!)Wife loves venison, but can put off projects only so long! She "knows" when hunting season rolls around, but still manages to schedule projects for opening week-ends. I suppose I need to start hiding state hunting reg's pamphlet! It's been nearly six years, house still isn't complete. Floors, trim, BARN for her horses, cabinets......With a sigh, I can defer some projects, but only so long!Completion will only bring on maintenance! But I persist! Hopefully, within the next year or so, will hang completed sign and begin much needed maintenance.Metal outside, no painting except eaves! Metal roof, no hail damage! (Thank God, insured!) Two by six exterior walls, good insulation!Stained and sealed concrete floors, no chipped tile or stained carpet! So far, I've only had to add a small back porch!"The best laid plans of mice and men, may often go astray!"Bubba

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from MidnightBanjo wrote 4 years 13 weeks ago

Rifle season opens this weekend here and have I got a list of things that MUST to be done before I can go! Clean out the gutters, sweep the back porch, build a dog house, go get and stack about a rick of firewood, put the cover back on the pool(it blew off and is now a bad science experiment), Cut the grass(yes it's still green here in Oklahoma) and edge, Get the dogs to the vet for their shots, Wash out the filter in the front pond and clean the aquariums, Get the wife's car in for an oil change, Replace bulbs and the photocell for the outside lights, and finally check and retrieve my trail cams. All this with a 4-year old in tow. With any luck I'll be done by Thursday... or... I could just hire some Mexi... uh... cheap labor and be done way early looking like SUPER DAD in the process. See ya in the woods and be safe!

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from Rusty In Missouri wrote 4 years 13 weeks ago

My wife and I returned to a home in the country that sat for sixteen years. I statred a years and a half rebuilding from the ground up; I feel for all of you but NOTHING in the home improvement area stops me from the hunt. It was the reason I returned home; not to bust my a** rebuilding a house. Hunt on friends the projects will always be waiting when you return.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from Steve In Home Improvement Hell wrote 4 years 13 weeks ago

Bill,Long time fan buddy. I've been deeply immersed in my own home improvement hell for the past year and a half of which I could most assuredly write a disertation as to the absolute 'Dont's" of home improvement.The first, and of utmost importance, make darn sure-no matter their aged disability-ridden condition, that your next project dream come true house is not within a stone throws of your in-laws. I foolishly sucumbed to my wife's desperate pleas along with the barrage of how much time we'll save going back and forth caring for them etc."Buy It and They Will Come"... Somehow...the crippling effects of sciatica (sp?) and nerve damage from diabetes, has not negatively impacted the walker or cane. Good for them. Very bad for me.Do Not Acquire Said Home Down the Street From Father-In Law If He's A Retired Architect. Nuff said. I should point out here that any retired profession is not good despite the lofty feel-good feelings that may be evoked by tapping into someones knowledge repetoire of home improvement skills. Simply put, retired folks-however well meaning, have absolutely no concept of time. My father in-laws "little project" was started back in my kitchen in April.I scrimped and saved some money to buy a used small aluminum deep V fishing boat with a small tiller handle outboard back at the end of last winter. I had the foresight to realize that I would require an escape from my in-laws. I've used it twice this past year.I have had to gut the house down to the exterior walls due to termites, rewire the entire house due to exposed wire in the old cloth style insulation made popular some 50+ years ago. All of the old leaded pipes had to come out and of course, new windows, siding, gutters, and a roof. I have come to the conclusion that a crane and wrecking ball would have been much easier.But alas...the night time temps now dip into the 20's at night with daytime highs in the 40's and a buddy's farm a short two hours away bekons me. My bow and gear is stowed in my truck as I write and as soon as the workbell sounds, announcing the end of my plant shift, I will point my vehicle due West and drive to a place where I can bring my past 12 months of project hell to rest-if only for a few brief days.Wifey-poo wants a new floor layed in the upstairs bathroom. I'm hoping I'll be able to use the excuse, "Uh sorry hon, those deer carcasses hanging on gambrels in the garage won't butcher themselves now will they?"Good luck everybody and be safe!

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from bill heavey wrote 4 years 13 weeks ago

drice,if it's been up that long, the deer in your area are accustomed to the smell. i'm not much of a believer in masking scents, however. i think a deer can sift out human scent from any cocktail of smells reaching its nose.i have no science to back this opinion up. and nobody has the science to contradict it, either. that's the tricky thing about scent.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from drice wrote 4 years 13 weeks ago

Bill, I have a question on a different topic. This is my second year hunting deer and I'm trying to get up to speed on the many don'ts of the sport which brings me to: scent. Our stand (hunting with a barely teenage son) was wrapped last year in camouflage burlap which had an oily smell to it. Is this likely to mask our human scent or tip off that smart buck that something isn't right in the neighborhood.

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from bill heavey wrote 4 years 13 weeks ago

merci, jean-marc. j'aime beaucoup les francais (la plupart d'eux, au moins).and jim, your hair falls out on its own schedule. trust me on this. i was bald long before marriage or daughters.bh

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from jml wrote 4 years 13 weeks ago

hello,bravo pour votre blog !jean-marcfrance

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from jstreet wrote 4 years 13 weeks ago

The stress and financial costs of home repairs, car repairs and hiding from our wives when either needs to be taken care of.Then our daughters grow up and start dating.These are the things that make our hair fall out and ultimately kill us.Jim

0 Good Comment? | | Report
from bill wrote 4 years 13 weeks ago

good for you bill I have been ducking house chores for the last two weeks i hide from my wife till the season ends...Jan 31st in CT. I can only hide so long.

0 Good Comment? | | Report

Post a Comment

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