December 28, 2007
By David E. Petzal and Phil Bourjaily
Mike Toth, our Executive Editor, put me on to a small brochure called Gun Video. (What else would you call a booklet that advertises gun videos? Ralph?) But I digress. There are all sorts of interesting titles in here, but two in particular caught my eye.
One is called "Hot Shots; Hot Girls, Hot Guns," and shows ten topless girls shooting machine guns. The copy says, with disarming frankness, that "…some of the girls are a bit rough about the edges. But if this is what you're looking for, it's only a phone call away." Fair enough. I don't think I'll send for this one, but if Ms. Beau Garrett or Ms. Elisha Cuthbert ever shoot a machine gun topless, my order is on the way.
The second tape (actually, two tapes) is a bit harder to understand. To put it in perspective you should know that there are tapes for bored pussycats that show rodents hopping hither and thither. These tapes play for hours, and even the most jaded feline is mesmerized by them. What we have here is "Exploding Varmints, Part I and 2," which show 500 prairie dogs being reduced to the proverbial red mist. Now a cat is lower on the evolutionary scale than we are (or so I am told; I have my doubts) and I can understand one watching a rodent tape. Hell, a cat will look at the wall for hours. But I think that any Homo sapiens who can watch prairie dogs doing Mary Lou Rettons and Olga Korbuts 500 times should surrender his sapiens to the local police.
Aside from that, there are some very solid and valuable looking DVDs in here, and in case you're interested, you can all 800-942-8273; firstname.lastname@example.org.