April 28, 2008
Home on the Range?
By David E. Petzal and Phil Bourjaily
As you’re all aware, Hillary Clinton has become the Second Amendment’s Best Friend in the past few weeks; so much so, in fact, that she is thinking of opening a series of franchised shooting schools, starting in the Southwest—just in case things don’t work out in her current job. The trick to creating a successful franchise is to come up with something unique, and I have been contracted to provide ideas that would set these schools apart. Here are my ideas:
*All attendees will be flown in by C-47, which will make a corkscrew landing at the school airport.
*To create a realistic environment, recordings of imaginary sniper fire will be played at all times.
*All attendees will wear pantsuits.
*All attendees will run (or waddle, as the case may be) between classes to avoid imaginary sniper fire.
*When not actually engaged in classes, attendees will play pinochle.
*Attendees who are selected to shoot first in any class are entitled to whine about it.
*Female attendees whose husbands exhibit signs of incipient mental illness are entitled to a 20 percent discount.
That’s what I’ve come up with. What are your suggestions?