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Could You Chop Down a Tree with an Axe?

by Keith McCafferty

In the age of male sensitivity, there are skills a man needs to learn just to remind himself he's a man. How to feint with the left and throw a straight right hand, for instance, and how to mount a horse. What else? Fix the toilet. Make two false casts and throw the whole fly line. Strike fire with a chunk of chert.

But let's choose just one. Admit it: You've always wanted to grab an axe and yell "Timber!" while the meek stand back. Every man should know how to fell a tree without killing himself in the process.

Note I said "know how to," not necessarily do the deed. Consider this a disclaimer: Felling is dangerous business that should only be undertaken in an emergency unless you have qualified under a professional. What constitutes an emergency? I remember scouting whitetail tracks on a logging road with a storm brewing and a leaning spruce blocking the route back. Then there was a week on St. Johns Bay when the mosquitoes were so voracious that all that separated you from screaming delirium was a smudge fire, and you had to drop a green tree to make the smoke.

But on with the quiz. Take a file to the axe, lube up the chainsaw blade, put on your hard hat and safety glasses and find out if you qualify as a man.

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