- Have taken the prize fish while double-hauling a size 14 Deer-Hair Niblet 80 feet into a 35-mile-per-hour headwind.
- Be able to tie a blood knot in 7X tippet with one hand.
- Have an annual fishing budget equaling no less than 37.5 percent of his or her mortgage.
- Never have uttered the phrases "Whata hawg!" or "OO-O-O-O-E-E-E, son!" within 20 miles of any body of fresh water.
- Not have scrimped on taxidermy bills by photocopying a trophy.
- Be incapable of naming any current wrestling star.
- Pass a standard Krebs Trouter Vision Test by correctly determining, at 40 paces, the number of size 28 tricos contained in a faceted lead-crystal shot glass.
- Not have a history of social contact with any person who trout fishes with garden hackle, owns Rottweilers, or views abandoned school buses as potential housing.