Loose Change

For someone with a highly inflated sense of his own importance, I had a pretty mundane to-do list yesterday. Here were my goals.

• Find my wallet. It has been missing for four days. I checked my credit card activity online. It’s not missing. I think I may have placed it out of the reach of small hands. And, apparently, out of the reach of small minds. I’ve been using cash in the meantime. It’s amazing to watch cash in action and see firsthand how little the stuff buys these days.

• Clean my shotgun. It jammed a couple of times on my last round of clays. I hear that semis should be cleaned every million rounds or so, and it looks like that’s true. I still don’t have a system. I clean guns the same way I dress deer or pack for trips. Which is to say that I do it as if I’ve never previously faced that particular challenge before and am inventing something completely new.

• Change my bow sight. I’ve got a nice green pin at 20 yards. I can see that. But the yellow at 30 and red at 40 are real hard to see. Got out my two spare sights. One has pins that alternate green and yellow to 50 yards, the other alternates green and red to 40. I looked at both of these at arm’s length. The only pin I can reliably see is green. And the pins are anything but interchangeable. What I really need are four green pins. Then I’d just have to hope that when a deer appeared, I could keep it together long enough to remember that 20 is the first green pin, 30 is the second green pin, etc. Now that I think about it, I’m usually so excited at that moment that I doubt color-coded pins have been offering me any real advantage in all this time.

• Make an appointment to get fitted for new glasses. At my last exam, the eye doc held up my old pair and said, “Well, you sure got your money’s worth out of these. But I think it’s time for a new pair.” What the hell? They still work. The just change the way they fit on my face every day. But with hunting season coming up, maybe he’s right. And it’d be nice to have at least one spare set. (See wallet example above.)

• Buy garlic to make bruschetta.

Long story short, I went two for five. Cleaned the shotgun and made the eye appointment. In theory, I could probably find and order green pins for at least one of my three bow sights. That’s the beauty of the Internet. Unfortunately, the sights are all five years old. And the reality of the Internet is that almost nothing that it should make easy turns out that way. I had enough change in the jar on my dresser to buy garlic but never made it to the store. So I had a BLT for dinner and Emma had macaroni.

The wallet? I’m now at five days and counting. I’m probably within 30 feet of it right now. Which, in my experience, means it could be missing a good while longer.

Anyway, I offer up these fascinating details in the hope that some may find it comforting. If you lack focus, direction, organization, and decisiveness, at least you’ve got company.

Photo by frankieleon