Are you still short a couple of Christmas presents but afraid that if you go back to the mall you’ll lose it, put your head through a plate glass window, and start singing “Grandpa Got Run Over By A Reindeer” until the cops come? Relax, we’ve got you covered.

Bill Heavey’s “If You Didn’t Bring Jerky, What Did I Just Eat?” a selection of his less-offensive writing for Field & Stream, is proving so successful that some book stores are now ordering two copies at a time! Thing is, they still might be sold out. Even Amazon’s running behind.

Not to worry! You can give the book without having the book. Just order it from your favorite book store or online seller, and present the person with the printable certificate below. And let the cops arrest somebody else for a change.