On Fake Fish and Fake ...

Given the fact that almost every behemoth trout reported, photographed, or otherwise posted on the Internet triggers an upwelling of emotional responses (some downright disturbing) on the "real-ness" and viability of farm-raised, planted salmonids, I felt a holy obligation to meditate on the issue and weigh in with an opinion.

So yesterday (after we stocked the river) I waded into the current, sat on a boulder, and thought. And thought. Then drank a beer, squinted my eyes, pursed my lips, and thought harder. In a moment of rare subconscious enlightenment, the answer seeped into my mind like a purple blob dropping through a lava lamp. Two words: breast implants.

Granted … they’re not real. But they’re definitely not a foul. There’s something to be said for aesthetic appeal. Otherwise, there wouldn’t be droves of middle-aged men lining up and shelling out the dough for the opportunity to have their photographs taken in close proximity to them.

Stocked trout, that is.

--Kirk Deeter