This is addressed to Mss. Brady, Pelosi, Clinton, and Mssrs. Schumer, Waxman, Bloomberg, and all those who wish to rid our country of illegal guns that are killing American citizens. Ladies and gentlemen, I have a real job for you.

It turns out that the foremost American supplier of illegal guns is—the Pentagon! Since 2003, our military has been sending small arms to equip what we optimistically call the Iraqi Army and police, but since the program began, 14,030 of these weapons have gone missing. And these are not deer rifles we’re talking about; the actual numbers are 13,180 pistols, 751 assault rifles (ooops, I meant to say “powerful” assault rifles), and 99 machine guns.

It gets better. Of the 30,251 firearms shipped, the military has bothered to record the serial numbers of fewer than 3 percent, so there’s almost no way to trace what’s gone.

And what are these missing firearms being used for? Not deer hunting or target shooting or even robbery. They are being used to kill Americans. And so I call upon the forces of gun control to do the right thing: We need lawsuits, investigations, raids by the BATFE and scathing public condemnations of…the American military. I would give a year’s pay to see the guys and gals in the BATFE jackets go crashing into the Pentagon and demanding to see their books.

The hour is upon us. The ball is in your court. Now is the time to act. The guilty must be punished.