Chad Love: On Perilous Geese

_Chad Love has written for People Magazine, but he tired of stalking B-list celebrities and decided to spend more time hunting, fishing and reporting here on the absurdity of a culture that's lost touch with the land.
_
Like most waterfowlers, I am infatuated with Canada geese. Nothing stirs this hunter's heart more than catching the haunting cries of a group of Canadas winging their way across the black velvet canvas of a chilly fall night. To me they are the embodiment of the ancient rhythm of seasonal change and a living personification of the breathtaking spectacle of migration.

Unless, of course, they've parked their Wonder Bread-fed butts on your lawn, beaten the hell out of your house cat, chased your mailman down the street, given your kids a lifelong avian phobia and produced enough goose crap to put a circus elephant to shame.

Migration? Yeah, from the golf course to the city park. South for the winter? Try south of Main Street.
Which is why September doesn't just mean dove season any more. As resident Canada populations explode states all across the nation now offer resident goose seasons in a (mostly vain) effort to control them. A great primer as well as background info on resident Canadas can be found here.

But these people (http://www.lovecanadageese.com/), and these people (http://www.canadageese.org/), and let's not forget these people (http://www.geesepeace.org/), have a little problem with that. In fact, it outrages them, and the depth of their outrage is so great, their passion so deep, their anthropomorphism so goofy, it can only be truly expressed in verse.

Who knew there were such highly specialized niches within the anti-hunting movement? Who knew they were so ... eloquent. It warms my heart to know that finally the resident Canada goose population in this country has the advocacy it so desperately needs. These groups demand that non-lethal and humane methods of control be utilized for resident flocks of Canadas and they be allowed to live their lives as nature intended. You know, stealing hot dog buns, beating up foo-foo dogs and attacking the spandex-clad legs of urban joggers.

My favorite method of humane goose control is a load of #2 Hevi-shot, which is what the guy in this video could have used.