If you were hoping for some semblance of political clarity in the aftermath of last night’s VP debate between “Beretta Joe” Biden and Sarah “Pit Bull” Palin, I can only say… keep hoping. And drinking. At least you’ll keep your spirits up and a brewery in business.

Oh, I suppose both candidates met the expectations given them: Biden didn’t claim to have held off hordes of Taliban with his trusty Beretta after being “forced down” in Afghanistan. Sarah Palin’s nonsensical automatonic responses to questions still made me claw at my eyes and scream for someone to get the poor woman a teleprompter, but at least they were coherent enough for the casual observer to distinguish her from Tina Fey’s dead-on brilliant SNL spoof.

Still, last night’s Kabuki theatre answered no questions and raised many more. As an unapologetic hunter, angler, gun nut, and environmentalist, here are a few I’d like to pose to the candidates:

1. Where do you stand on the General Mining Act of 1872? Should it be repealed?

2. Do you agree with the Supreme Court’s decision in District of Columbia v. Heller?

3. There are now 36 states with “shall issue” concealed-carry laws. Do you believe all citizens should have this right?

4. Do you support the continuation of federal ethanol mandates?

5. Do you believe the concept of “energy independence” can be attained while maintaining our current rate of energy consumption?

6. What do you consider the single most important piece of environmental legislation of the past century?

7. As a matter of policy should recreational opportunity have precedence over resource development on publicly-owned land?

8. Who is your environmental or conservation hero and why?

9. What role would hunters and/or anglers play in your running mate’s administration? How would you seek their input on policy issues?

10. When was the last time you visited a national wildlife refuge?

11. Mr. Biden, as the proud owner of several “little Berettas” of my own, I’m curious what model Beretta you have. Could you tell me?

OK, so the last one’s a gotcha. These are by no means a complete list of what I’d like to ask the candidates, but taken together I think (if answered extemporaneously and honestly) they would give a pretty fair portrait.

But who am I kidding. They’re politicians. They don’t answer questions extemporaneously or honestly.

I know I’m not the only one with questions. What would you like to ask Beretta Joe and the Pit Bull?