At this SHOT Show, I was able to answer a long-standing question: Since my name is almost the same as Petzl, the company that makes flashlights and other neat stuff, would I be entitled to handouts, being almost one of the family? So I went to the Petzl booth and showed my name tag to the two amiable young men who were in charge.

“Can I get free stuff?”, I asked.

“Go away” said the younger of the two.

We compromised on a set of catalogs, shook hands, and I went off to look for booth babes.

It makes me wish my name were Swarovski, or Perazzi.