In our recent "
Oddball Archive Caption Contest
" we asked you to caption 20 vintage photos we pulled from 60s, 70s, and 80s issues in the
Field & Stream
archives. We promised to send a Gerber Mini-Remix knife to the best caption-writer for each photo, and a special Gerber Freeman Exchange-A-Blade knife (signed specially for this contest by Gerber's lead designer, Jeff Freeman) to our overall favorite in the contest. Here are the winners. Congratulations to reader
for writing our favorite caption of all, which was picked by Anthony Licata,
Field & Stream's
Editor-In-Chief, and can be found on slide 7.
Description**** (At Left):
Issue: March 1970, page 216. From a story about dog training, the cut line reads, "The best way to teach a dog to negotiate a fence is to let him see how an older dog manages it."****
JBgrouse23_: Holy Crap your nose is cold!!!!****
nijimasu_: quick- tag me and get a chair to whack him with_
ryubeta_: Don't just sit there Rex, go and get Farmer John... tell him to bring the grease gun and for god's sake get your nose away from my tail pipe!!.
Issue: February 1970, page 88. A story called “Lapland Salmon … at Bargain Prices” showed fishermen how to catch salmon in Lapland. The cut line reads, “both the boat and the costume his host wears are traditional in Lapland.” Winner: -Bob: “…I don’t KNOW why he punched me. Deeter says EVERYONE in Lapland holds their flyrod like this!” **
Honorable Mention**__ eyeswideopen: red lobster employees circa 1970 mikeclow85: Santa’s elves in the off season. Arlo269: Now go away before I taunt thee a second time (Monte Python)
Description Issue: June 1980, page 64. This ad for Monroe Radial-Matic Shock Absorbers reads, “Get a set of Monroe Radial-Matics and you’ll make out like a bandit,” and promises, “They’ll make old paint ride like the great horse Silver.” Winner: stiggy5: One more step and I’ll put a hole through yer fancy yeller window weight!
Honorable Mention** JBgrouse23: Its ok, my horse has a prosthetic we can put it in. HoyBoy: You ARE going to take this suppository MPS: I’d never caught em if’n they had monroes
Description Issue: March 1972, page 196. From an ad in the back of the magazine.”See-Thru mesh underwear. Bikini-styled briefs and “tee” shirt-styled top in “see-thru” fish net weave keep you cool in summer, warm in winter. Wash in a jiffy, too.” Winner: jbrown1975: I can’t see all of the great outdoors, but there is no reason it can’t see all of me.
Honorable Mention** elkuw: New poo-thru undies, all ya have to worry about is the big stuff!__ im4hunting: Scratch anything. Easily. eyesearch: “Starsky’s gonna be so jealous when he sees me in these!…”
Description Issue: March 1972, page 3. From an ad for a 20-gauge Remington Model 870 Wingmaster lightweight that assures you, “Your shotgun doesn’t have to feel like this at the end of a long day.” Winner: jbird: Hobbit-labor, it’s cheap, and they don’t take up much room in your truck.
Honorable Mention** HawkInPA: Carl was done with being teased for shooting rimfires. AP: Some guys carry a big stick..well, not me buddy. Not me. stiggy5: I’ll show you what happens when you mess with me Lucky Charms!
Description Issue: April 1972, page 13. This Vista Soft and Easy Wax ad says, “Show us a wax that outshines Vista, and we’ll show you a pain in the can.” Winner: micropterus: Because a shiny conversion van with curtains is less creepy.
Honorable Mention** Scott Hall: Bob’s $1.00 Bikini WAX business, just didn’t take off. muleymad12: Devastated, Stu slumped down to the ground when he found out his paste wax wouldn’t work on the fake wood paneling of his station wagon. Nate Forsberg: “I’ll give you one guess how I get my eyebrows to look this incredible. One. Guess.”
Description Issue: January 1972, page 61. This Camel Filters ad reads, “On his last hunt, Major Hocum smoked a cigarette stamped with his family crest. Now everybody will be smoking cigarettes stamped with their own family crest.” Grand Prize Winner: HoyBoy: FleshTone pants, just to keep everyone guessing. **
Honorable Mention** YooperRyan: Seabuscuit, the untold story. jbird: I say chap, be a good sport and light me on fire. Dotcomaphobe: I didn’t know Jonathan Winters was a smoker.
Description Issue: December 1981, page 83. From a story called “A Sportsman’s Christmas.” “Paddling out of the mist, Santa Claus arrives with a canoe full of exciting and useful Christmas gifts field tested and selected especially for active sportsmen.” Winner: nijimasu: It wouldn’t be so hard to hold your breath if you’d quit complaining so much, Blitzen.
Honorable Mention** gkanta: That is the last time I bet with Rudolph! FS_2010: And they said Global Warming wasn’t real. Jeffrey81: “I knew I should have switched to All-State.”
Description Issue: June 1981, page 107. We’re not sure Oshkosh had its target audience dialed in when it bought this ad, which read, “You can’t make it in the work clothing business just by the seat of your pants.” Winner: JaySolomon: Are you tough enough to hunt in New Jersey?
Honorable Mention** henslecd: Every man wants to be a macho macho man mountaindew732: Well they certainly aren’t the A-team. seg1774: The first boyband.
Description Issue: May 1972, page 127. This Club Cocktails ad tells you, “We make the drinks, you make the party.” Winner: Anhinga: Do you suppose I can get him to wash his hair after a couple more of these? **
Honorable Mention:** micropterus: John, stop blowing bubbles in the can, now it tastes like Skoal.
Description Issue: March 1965, page 15. From an ad for the Honda “Trail 90” that reads, “I really have to cover ground to get things done.” Winner: BubbaK: And yet, Lance sensed that he somehow wasn’t fitting in with the other cowhands.
Honorable Mention:** JaySolomon: You try sitting in a hard saddle for eight hours a day. benellireaper: Forest Gump on his way to sturgis. seg1774: Can this go any slower? Even the cows are beating me.
Description Issue: March 1972, page 19. This Camel Filters ad reads, “With every pair of Mr. Stanley’s Hot Pants goes a free pack of short-short filter cigarettes. Now everybody will be wearing hot pants and smoking short-short filter cigarettes.” Winner: SD_Whitetail_Hntr: And right at that moment, Ron Jeremy knew. This is the outfit that will launch me to stardom.
Honorable Mention:** oregoncurly: Frankly, Barney, I don’t know why you stay in Congress with legs like that. derik: If only I could find longer socks Dotcomaphobe: Friends don’t let friends shop while intoxicated.
Description Issue: May 1975, page 48. “The camera-clicking tourists have been raised on a steady diet of Gentle Ben and Smokey, so they know it’s perfectly all right to get this close and take pictures. After all, black bears are cute, and they’re a man’s friend.” Winner: lonewolf20: “what you want man i got herb, trout, salmon, shrooms…”
Honorable Mention:** FS_2010: Hey. You got any Charmin?! golfstevelotz: Werner Herzog in High School MaxPower: Listen Moon-dogie. You let me have a drag and I won’t tell the ranger about your stache.
Description Issue: November 1981, page 14. Smoker tames wolf in this Camel Lights ad. Winner: fliphuntr14: “I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack.”
Honorable Mention** BubbaK: And before his execution, the pack let Scooter have one last cigarette… bshagopian: Bob thought it would be hilarious to take a picture of the wolf standing right behind his buddy Dave instead of warning him. plekstew: Stay thirsty, my friends.
Description Issue: February 1971, page 135. From a story titled “New gear and gadgets for fun afloat,” this cut line reads, “Find objects under water and stay dry.” Winner: Nycflyangler: BP executive: Oil spill? What oil spill? I don’t see any oil spill here.
Honorable Mention:** iowahunter18: Hey Bill, what kind of fish is gray with a large dorsal fin. airforcewx: “Where is the clicker on this thing? I wanna see the zebras.” golfstevelotz: what the heck happened to my Evinrude?
Description Issue: October 1981, page 42. From a Laredo Western Boots ad reminding you that “life’s never dull in Laredo.” Winner: MaxPower: Fat Guy with Pistol: At first I was just going to shoot you for cuffing your jeans, but now I’m going to shoot you for cheating….and cuffing you jeans. Honorable Mention: camotoe: Queen high strait, now lose the pants.
__ SD_Whitetail_Hntr: Keep laugin son.. I see that ace… and I’m locked and loaded.
Description Issue: March 1970, page 56. From a story titled “Ocean Paradise.” The caption reads, “Abalone and surf fish are components of this paradise, but digging the clams that give Pismo Beach its name is the top sport.” Winner: Dotcomaphobe: Pismo Beach: Come for the clams. Stay for the jumping children wearing pajamas.
Honorable Mention:** SD_Whitetail_Hntr: Even the Fish can’t believe what we’re wearing. micropterus: Now Janine can finally replace that itchy coconut bra.
Description Issue: April 1981, page 89. “Great fishing is something you want to share,” says this ad for Stren fishing line. Winner:
bshagopian: If you think my hairy chest turns you on, wait till you see my back.
Honorable Mention:** That_Copy_Guy: They must be gellin’. mbalogh: Our first date and he takes me fishing?? This guy has GOT to be kidding me! Noseloc: You think your hat looks better than my bandana?
Description Issue: October 1981, page 101. This heartwarming ad for dog food reads, “The Good life. Compliments of Purina High Protein Plus.” Winner: londo11: I’m sure if you drink this potion, Honey, you’ll be a human again right away.
Honorable Mention:** That_Copy_Guy: Dog: “Dude, Bob. You really, really need to go out more.” Rifleman1st: Sorry girl, If they don’t rescue us soon your going to have to share… jpstrock: This stuff makes some great coffee.
Description Issue: September 1969, page 59, from a story on camouflage clothing titled, “Carry a Blind on Your Back.” Winner: mountaindew732: try and find the marines hiding in this picture. There are six
Honorable Mention:** Nebraskahunter18: “I better be paid good for this because this is the dumbest photo shoot ever.” johnb2: Now you can hunt with full camo even in a forest fire. Mcrowe: Hey!! Who told Heavey he could bring his bow?!?!
We posted one more picture on
our facebook page and asked users to caption it. We’re sending Michael Sanders, the winner, a new Gerber machete for his caption:
“Chrysler Outboards….. turning average men into underwear models since 1971.”
Click here to see the picture.