my grandpap likes to say he's "busier than a one-eyed cat watching 9 mouse holes"

I like the jackass one, its kinda like saying:

"I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an un-armed person.."

Heard most of em'
"More nervous than a long tail cat in a roomfull of rockin' chairs"
"don't try to wash a pig, you'll just get dirty, and upset the pig"
OH, Del gave you up as THE "Go To" turkey guy, how about some story's in "AK Camp" for us?

"If your going to be stupid, you gotta be tough"

my grandma uses the bless her heart one alot!!!

auburn stole my thunder. How bout "I'll be dipped in shiite and rolled in cracker crumbs" My deceased bro in law and best friend Edgar R. used that one. Now he's telling jokes to the almighty Lord.

"Tighter than a ticks ass"

I liked "Forrest Gumps" mom's
"Stupid is, as stupid does"

You guys keep beating me to the good ones. How about " he may be lost, but he's making good time!"

this is not pointed at anyone i am just sharing "there are no stupid questions, but alot of inquisitive idiots"

"Don't eat yellow snow!"
"If you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch"
"It's all fun and games, and then someone's gonna cry"
"To think like a fish, drink like a fish"
"Talk to the fist because the hand is pissed"

Oh yeah I have to add "Man Alive!"

"got more wind than a bull in a corn field"
" more worthless than t*tties on a boar hog"
And "that makes my a$$ hole crave barbed-wire"

Are a fiew of the more colorful sayings that I have heard recently

"Unless you're the lead dog the view is always the same."
"If you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much space."
"If you marry for money, you earn it."
"That's about as good as the worst thing I've ever seen."

I'll probably wake up at 2 and have to come down and put in some more. It is amazing what shakes out of the cobwebs when you open up the attic.

He fell down flatter than piss in the road.

my grandpa says this all the time.as a rule a mans a fool. when it"s hot he wants it cool. when it"s cool he wants hot. always wanting what is not.

My Grandmother always says she's "colder than a witches tit".
"just cause a calf sucks real hard don't make it a good girlfriend"
"if you were half as good as you think you are you'd be twice as good as you really are"

He's full of piss and vinegar.

"He's got enough money to burn a wet mule"

"She's uglier than death taking a sh*t off a high bridge at midnight"

"The wind is blowing so cold that it feels like there is nothing between here and the North Pole except for a barbed wire fence and its laying flat on the ground"

Most of my favorites have already been said, but when we are working outside in the summer my unce would always say, " I'm sweatin like a wh*re in church."

If its brown its down.

My best friend used to say "its hotter than a freshly f*cked fox in a forest fire." Usually it was...lol