By John Merwin

The other day, Joe Cermele did a post about turning his new truck into a fishing machine, which got me thinking about what might be the ultimate fish car.

That might mean fastest, of course, and the Bugatti Veyron as the world’s fastest production car might qualify. Or it would have until I saw this online video of a new $2 million Bugatti being hauled out of a shallow lagoon in Texas a couple of day ago.

Seems the driver swerved to avoid a low-flying pelican. What a tragedy! I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at this, but I do know that my ultimate fish car--whatever it is--would (a) have been able to simply drive free of this predicament, and (b) wouldn’t cost $2 million in the first place. So a Bugatti is out.

But how about a ...

... special Field & Stream edition Lincoln Town Car. I mean take your basic cushy Lincoln and give it camo paint plus a 6-inch lift and big tires. Then add something like a Quigley 4WD conversion and electronically locking differentials (front and rear). Add surf-rod racks to the top, and I’d be good to go in high style.

Or for those on a budget, we could modify a little clapped-out Ford Escort station wagon, a P.O.S. car I once owned back in the day. We could add a snorkel-type intake for traversing shallow water--given a fast enough start. Suitably rusted, it would be almost invisible when parked along the river. I could use its extra spark plugs for sinkers. The tattered gray carpeting, meanwhile, might offer a perfect dubbing material for the bodies of Adams dry flies.

Dream on, buddy. Like most people who fantasize about exotic cars once in a while, I eventually confront this reality: The ultimate fish car is whatever I happen to be driving at the time.

Comments (14)

from Clay Cooper wrote 2 years 12 weeks ago

What did Forest Gump say?

Stupid is what stupid does!

Just can't fix stupid!! LMAO!

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from MLH wrote 2 years 12 weeks ago

Might want to get a Carfax vehicle history report next time you are in the market for a Veyron.

Reminds me of a guy that drove his brand new Lotus Esprit from the showroom and went airborne over some railroad tracks. Broke the car (fiberglass) in half. Dumb and dumber.

For that kind of money I'd just get a Prevost coach and tow a Land Rover Defender (with the extra parts to keep it running) with a couple of Hobie Cat fishing kayaks strapped to the roof.

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from seadog wrote 2 years 12 weeks ago

LMAO I have no sympathy for someone that can afford that car & is stupid enough to drive it into the drink to avoid a pelican. Methinks the pelican would have done less damage than the salt water.

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from jbird wrote 2 years 12 weeks ago

I'm not the least bit surprised this came from the land of "more money than common sense".

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from matouse3 wrote 2 years 12 weeks ago

Yeah, the other story I read said that he swerved to miss a low flying pelican, *dropped his cell phone*, then crashed when trying to retrieve it from the floor of his car. Boy, I wonder what the rate is for insurance on a $2million car? I would love to be that insurance agent.

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from Brian W. Thair wrote 2 years 12 weeks ago

If you can afford it, I suppose you can park it anywhere you like.

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from shane wrote 2 years 12 weeks ago

4 turbochargers. 16 cylinders. Not 999, not 1000, but 1001 horsepower. Should be enough to haul the skiff over the ridge...

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from MLH wrote 2 years 12 weeks ago

What pelican? Some guys got video of the actual attempted water crossing:

http://jalopnik.com/5404403/exclusive-video-of-bugatti-veyron-actually-c...

Hard not to get noticed driving a Bugatti. Sort of like trying to go on a low key date with Ann Margaret.

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from coho310 wrote 2 years 12 weeks ago

What would we think if he DIDN'T avoid the pelican?

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from Ruckweiler wrote 2 years 12 weeks ago

With salt water immersion, the car is ruined. With all the electronics embedded throughout the car, replacing this stuff would require a total rebuild. The owner might as well just get a new car. Frankly, he should have just hit the pelican.

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from philbourjaily wrote 2 years 11 weeks ago

Leave it where it is, open the sunroof, and you've got a $2 million duck blind.

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from bigjake wrote 2 years 11 weeks ago

phil, I was thinkin the same thing, plus leave the side windows down a bit, throw a few cans of opened catfood under the seats and you'd have a custom crab pot.

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from aragonnapoles wrote 2 years 11 weeks ago

The car owner needs to claim the insurance,and buy...
a subacuatic machine.

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from Nycflyangler wrote 2 years 11 weeks ago

This is the danger of buying a French car. If a German car comes up behind it, it runs and hides. ;-)

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from Nycflyangler wrote 2 years 11 weeks ago

Unlikely, the Lotus Esprit has a steel backbone chassis. It's not going to break if you catch air. Sounds like an urban myth.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Esprit_chassis.jpg
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lotus_Esprit

MLH wrote:

"Reminds me of a guy that drove his brand new Lotus Esprit from the showroom and went airborne over some railroad tracks. Broke the car (fiberglass) in half. Dumb and dumber."

0 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

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from MLH wrote 2 years 12 weeks ago

Might want to get a Carfax vehicle history report next time you are in the market for a Veyron.

Reminds me of a guy that drove his brand new Lotus Esprit from the showroom and went airborne over some railroad tracks. Broke the car (fiberglass) in half. Dumb and dumber.

For that kind of money I'd just get a Prevost coach and tow a Land Rover Defender (with the extra parts to keep it running) with a couple of Hobie Cat fishing kayaks strapped to the roof.

+3 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from seadog wrote 2 years 12 weeks ago

LMAO I have no sympathy for someone that can afford that car & is stupid enough to drive it into the drink to avoid a pelican. Methinks the pelican would have done less damage than the salt water.

+3 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from bigjake wrote 2 years 11 weeks ago

phil, I was thinkin the same thing, plus leave the side windows down a bit, throw a few cans of opened catfood under the seats and you'd have a custom crab pot.

+3 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from philbourjaily wrote 2 years 11 weeks ago

Leave it where it is, open the sunroof, and you've got a $2 million duck blind.

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from jbird wrote 2 years 12 weeks ago

I'm not the least bit surprised this came from the land of "more money than common sense".

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from matouse3 wrote 2 years 12 weeks ago

Yeah, the other story I read said that he swerved to miss a low flying pelican, *dropped his cell phone*, then crashed when trying to retrieve it from the floor of his car. Boy, I wonder what the rate is for insurance on a $2million car? I would love to be that insurance agent.

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Brian W. Thair wrote 2 years 12 weeks ago

If you can afford it, I suppose you can park it anywhere you like.

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from Clay Cooper wrote 2 years 12 weeks ago

What did Forest Gump say?

Stupid is what stupid does!

Just can't fix stupid!! LMAO!

0 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from shane wrote 2 years 12 weeks ago

4 turbochargers. 16 cylinders. Not 999, not 1000, but 1001 horsepower. Should be enough to haul the skiff over the ridge...

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from MLH wrote 2 years 12 weeks ago

What pelican? Some guys got video of the actual attempted water crossing:

http://jalopnik.com/5404403/exclusive-video-of-bugatti-veyron-actually-c...

Hard not to get noticed driving a Bugatti. Sort of like trying to go on a low key date with Ann Margaret.

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from coho310 wrote 2 years 12 weeks ago

What would we think if he DIDN'T avoid the pelican?

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from Ruckweiler wrote 2 years 12 weeks ago

With salt water immersion, the car is ruined. With all the electronics embedded throughout the car, replacing this stuff would require a total rebuild. The owner might as well just get a new car. Frankly, he should have just hit the pelican.

0 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from aragonnapoles wrote 2 years 11 weeks ago

The car owner needs to claim the insurance,and buy...
a subacuatic machine.

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from Nycflyangler wrote 2 years 11 weeks ago

This is the danger of buying a French car. If a German car comes up behind it, it runs and hides. ;-)

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from Nycflyangler wrote 2 years 11 weeks ago

Unlikely, the Lotus Esprit has a steel backbone chassis. It's not going to break if you catch air. Sounds like an urban myth.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Esprit_chassis.jpg
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lotus_Esprit

MLH wrote:

"Reminds me of a guy that drove his brand new Lotus Esprit from the showroom and went airborne over some railroad tracks. Broke the car (fiberglass) in half. Dumb and dumber."

0 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

Post a Comment

 

All submitted comments are subject to the rules set forth in our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.