By Chad Love

I hate to follow a book-themed blog post too closely with another book-themed blog post, but this one is just too good to pass up.

This weekend found me not on the water or throwing bumpers for the dogs but killing time at yet another national chain bookseller waiting on my wife's flight to arrive in Oklahoma City. And since I'm not a violence-prone alcoholic duffer I passed right by the Father's Day display on my way toward the "Forgotten Man" section of the book store.

As I was perusing what few shelves the corporate book Borg had seen fit to dedicate to the arcane, unhip and marginalized pastimes of unevolved louts like myself I saw them - five brand-new paperback copies of Bill Heavey's If You Didn't Bring Jerky, What Did I Just Eat? But something was wrong. Bad wrong. To the left of Heavey I saw Les Stroud's (of Survivorman fame) face staring up at me. To Heavey's right there was a book with a cover featuring Bear Grylls squeezing the last precious drops of moisture from an elephant's testicle as he prepared to cross the Sahara on foot and butt-nekkid (or something like that).

Confused, I looked at the tab on the shelf to confirm what section I was in, and then it - hilariously - dawned on me: Someone, somewhere in this bookstore chain's corporate labyrinth had apparently decided If You Didn't Bring Jerky, What Did I Just Eat? was a...survival manual. After I picked myself up off the floor I decided this injustice simply couldn't stand. Like most of you I know Mr. Heavey only through his writing, and while I'm sure you could glean any number of invaluable survival tips in his book it deserved better placement than that.

So I looked around to make sure no one was looking, grabbed all five copies and headed for the Father's Day display. Casting furtive glances toward the nose-ringed staff, I quickly replaced all the copies of Mixed-Martial Arts Techniques for the Golf Course: A Guide to Conflict Resolution with If You Didn't Bring Jerky, What Did I Just Eat?

I admired my literary monkey-wrenching for a moment, shoved the copies of the switched book in the "Relationships" section and walked out the door feeling quite proud of myself.

Comments (14)

from Big O wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

GOOD FOR YOU ! ! !
Got the book, LOVE IT !
GOD bless Bill Heavey.

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from MLH wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

I think Heavey owes you one! Or five ....

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from 2Poppa wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

All out door enthusiasts,survivalists and week-end wanna bees, know that Bill Heavey's,"If You Didn't Bring Jerky, What Did I Just Eat?",belongs in the survival section.

I personally couldn't live without my monthly dose of Heavey. Matter of fact,I have my copy in my library, cataloged in the survival section, right next to the toliet paper :}}}

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from suburban bushwacker wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

That's how we know you're one of the good guys Chad
SBW
PS I've done this too, and when your book comes out I'll do it again.

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from FloridaHunter1226 wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

What a hilarious story! Putting his book as a survival manual... classic case of people not knowing what the hell they are doing. Although funny, it is almost sad that they would do such a thing.

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from MaxPower wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

That was YOU????
My boss was furious, he yelled at me for fifteen minutes because he though I did that.

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from Dr. Ralph wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

At least you made five men happy!

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from buckhunter wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

I guess if laughter is the best medicine then Heavey will cure all.

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from ranger2 wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

It is about time someone was honest about being constructive in one of those creepy little book shops! You may have started a "restocking revolution" among literaries and bookworms alike!

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from Paul Wilke wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

Is that " doing the right thing" or sneaky," underhanded subversive behavior"?
Either way I love it, WAY TO GO!

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from jeffo52284 wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

nice work. on the positive side if you are trying to survive you dont want to get too scared or panic, bill heaveys book might be just the thing to keep the situation light. :) no one is completely worthless they can always be used as a bad example. good work let the "restocking revolution" begin

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from muskiemaster wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

Finally someone with sense to put a good book on the main rack. Who knows maybe one of those golf playing mixed martial artists will get lost in on the green and have to survive with heavey's knowledge at hand.

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from seadog wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

You did your good deed for the day. And thanks for reminding me to get Heavey's book. The columns are great. The book should be worth a try.

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from ggmack wrote 2 years 31 weeks ago

good for U. the dumb uncaring staff probably did not even care enough to notice.

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from Big O wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

GOOD FOR YOU ! ! !
Got the book, LOVE IT !
GOD bless Bill Heavey.

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from MLH wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

I think Heavey owes you one! Or five ....

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from 2Poppa wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

All out door enthusiasts,survivalists and week-end wanna bees, know that Bill Heavey's,"If You Didn't Bring Jerky, What Did I Just Eat?",belongs in the survival section.

I personally couldn't live without my monthly dose of Heavey. Matter of fact,I have my copy in my library, cataloged in the survival section, right next to the toliet paper :}}}

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from suburban bushwacker wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

That's how we know you're one of the good guys Chad
SBW
PS I've done this too, and when your book comes out I'll do it again.

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Dr. Ralph wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

At least you made five men happy!

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from FloridaHunter1226 wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

What a hilarious story! Putting his book as a survival manual... classic case of people not knowing what the hell they are doing. Although funny, it is almost sad that they would do such a thing.

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from MaxPower wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

That was YOU????
My boss was furious, he yelled at me for fifteen minutes because he though I did that.

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from buckhunter wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

I guess if laughter is the best medicine then Heavey will cure all.

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from ranger2 wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

It is about time someone was honest about being constructive in one of those creepy little book shops! You may have started a "restocking revolution" among literaries and bookworms alike!

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Paul Wilke wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

Is that " doing the right thing" or sneaky," underhanded subversive behavior"?
Either way I love it, WAY TO GO!

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from jeffo52284 wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

nice work. on the positive side if you are trying to survive you dont want to get too scared or panic, bill heaveys book might be just the thing to keep the situation light. :) no one is completely worthless they can always be used as a bad example. good work let the "restocking revolution" begin

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from muskiemaster wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

Finally someone with sense to put a good book on the main rack. Who knows maybe one of those golf playing mixed martial artists will get lost in on the green and have to survive with heavey's knowledge at hand.

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from seadog wrote 2 years 34 weeks ago

You did your good deed for the day. And thanks for reminding me to get Heavey's book. The columns are great. The book should be worth a try.

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from ggmack wrote 2 years 31 weeks ago

good for U. the dumb uncaring staff probably did not even care enough to notice.

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

Post a Comment

 

All submitted comments are subject to the rules set forth in our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.