April 27, 2010
Dog Joke Contest: And the Winner Is…
By David DiBenedetto
Herewith the long-awaited results of the dog joke contest. But first a big thanks to Costa Del Mar for donating the prize, a pair of Zane polarized sunglasses worth a whopping $239. And, secondly, thanks to all of you for keeping our young readers in mind—and your jokes PG-13. (Especially Spartan88, who was burning to tell us his inappropriate funny but showed powerful restraint.)
SDWhitetail-Hntr kicked things off with a classic and in doing so set a very high bar:
Two Scottish Nuns arrive in the U.S. by boat. One says to the other, "I hear people in the U.S. eat dogs." The other is surprised and says, "That's odd. I guess if we are to live here, we may as well do as they do." Agreeing, the Mother Superior spots a hot dog stand and walks right up. She orders, "We'll take two dogs please." The vendor wraps up two hot dogs in tin foil and hands them over. The nuns stroll to a nearby bench and take a seat. They begin unwrapping their dogs and Mother Superior gets hers open and begins to blush. She leans over to the other nun and whispers, "What part of the dog did you get?"
Thejimmer mined the very popular wife-versus-dog theme with this joke:
Do you know why they call dogs "man's best friend"? It's a lot harder to get your wife to sniff out pheasants for you.
Matakis told a laugher that turned out to be a popular with other posters:
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by; they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?" "I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim."
Our friend Kelmitch took honorable mention with his bird-hunting joke:
Joe owned one of the finest bird dogs ever seen. It had won many trophies over the years. One day, Joe got a call from a friend named Dave, who asked if he could borrow the dog to go pheasant hunting. Well, Joe told him that he never loaned his dog to hunt, and asked Dave if he had ever hunted with a dog. Dave said, "Oh sure, grew up hunting with a dog". "Well then, you're a pretty good friend, I guess you can use him", Joe agreed. Dave showed up, and Joe brought out his champion dog and loaded him in the truck."Good luck,” Joe said,"hope you brought plenty of shells, see you later". That evening, Dave came back to Joe's. "Well, how many did you get?” Joe asked. "We didn't get any," Dave shouted. "That's unbelievable," Joe exclaimed. Dave said,"Yeah, it was the funniest thing, we got there, I loaded my gun, and I let out your dog and we started hunting. All of a sudden, your dog stopped. He had his head pointing straight forward, his ears were straight forward, his back was straight as an arrow, his tail was pointing straight back, his one paw was lifted up off the ground, and he just stood there. Couple quick kicks in the butt broke him of that!”
But in the end we fell prey to our juvenile sense of humor and declared MLH the winner for his joke about flatulence and dogs. (FYI. A few of you posted a similar joke so I gave the victory to the first one entered.)
Harry knocked at the door. He was picking up Sally for their first date. Sally's dad, Mr. Murphy, opened the door. Sally was still getting ready so her dad invited Harry in. Harry took a seat in the living room. They talked for a bit and Mr. Murphy went back to reading his newspaper. Jake, their dog, wandered over next to Harry.
Harry really needed to pass some gas but didn't want to embarrass himself in front of Mr. Murphy. He looked down at Jake and figured he could blame the dog. So Harry let out a little fart.
"Jake." said Mr. Murphy. Harry was elated. Mr. Murphy thought it was the dog. So he let out a bit more.
"Jake." said Mr. Murphy. Harry knew his plan was working so just let it all out.
"Jake!" said Mr. Murphy, as he peered over the paper, "Get away from that boy before he craps on you."
Congrats, MLH. Send me your address at firstname.lastname@example.org. Hope you enjoy the shades. And thanks to all for participating. More free stuff to come soon.