New App Translates Dogs’ Barks to English Text

by Chad Love

I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t have a very good track record with electronic gadgets, especially electronic gadgets designed to make our lives “easier” or “simpler” or “more efficient.” To me those are all just code words for screaming frustration, and (to paraphrase famous curmudgeon Ed Abbey) I’d just as soon someone come after me with an ax as a gadget designed to make life easier.

So imagine my chagrin when my wife recently informed me she had upgraded our cell phones to “smartphones.” This irritated me to no end. Just two weeks prior I had finally managed to kill my old cell phone by “accidentally” getting it wet on a fishing trip, and I couldn’t be happier. Now I was not only getting a new one, but one that was “smart?” Thanks, hon. I loathe cell phones more than all other technology. A couple of years ago I did a blog post about shooting my cell phone with my bow. It wasn’t a stunt. I honestly relished the experience.

But I’ve had this thing for a couple weeks now and I haven’t yet pinned it to the backstop, so perhaps even a Luddite like myself can achieve a sort of uneasy stasis with iWorld. And since everyone tells me I need a few “apps” for my cognitively-advanced talking device, I’ve been browsing the “app” store. And I think I’ve found a winner, an app destined to completely reshape the gundog training landscape. No more guessing what your dog is thinking. No more trying to read your dog’s subtle body language indicators. If you’ve ever wondered what the hell your dog was thinking when you gave him that “back” cast and he took a right “over” instead, well, here’s the app for that…

_Ever wonder what your dog might be trying to tell you? BowLingual Dog Translator is a Dog-to-English translator that allows your dog to communicate to you in a way that’s easy for you to understand.

Directions for use:

1. Press the “Translate Bark” button to begin the recording/translation process. 2. Hold the device near your dog as it barks. 3. Once recording is complete, wait a moment for bark analyzation. 4. Your dog’s message is displayed in easy-to-understand English.

Whether you have a petite Chihuahua or a towering Great Dane, BowLingual is fun to use with dogs of all sizes and shapes, and is a great way to impress your friends.

Note: BowLingual Dog Translator is intended for novel entertainment, and may not accurately reflect your dog’s emotions at all times._

Gosh, why did I wait so long to get one of these smart phones? It’s all true: They really do make life so much easier. And simpler. And more efficient. I’m going to go right now and see what, exactly is on my dog’s minds. I’ll let you know what they say…