Chad Love: Klingon Control

February 17, 2009

By Chad Love

You know it's a tough economy when even the proud and warlike Klingons get hard up for cash. Anyone concerned with the proliferation of unregulated weapons could have seen this coming.

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. -- A surveillance picture released by police Wednesday afternoon shows a man armed with what appears to be a small Klingon sword, holding up a 7-Eleven convenience store...The Startrek.com Web site describes the Klingon weapon as crescent-shaped and about a yard long. However, the weapon that the man was wielding appears to be smaller than that. The bat'leth has points on both ends, two points in between and a handle on the outside. Klingons were warlike enemies of the good-guy United Federation of Planets in the original "Star Trek" series but were allies in "Star Trek: The Next Generation."

Mark my words: this is just the beginning. Klingon sword violence might be a trickle now but unless we get a quick handle on it and finally pass some sword-control legislation with real teeth we'll continue seeing the violent effects of Klingon sword attacks. It's imperative we do three things.

One: an immediate ban on all bat'leths with a total edged surface of over ten inches. Such weapons serve no practical ceremonial or sporting purpose.

Two: a mandatory 15-day waiting period for all Klingon sword purchases regardless of style. We all know how quick-tempered and touchy Klingons are, and a "cooling-off" period will save many lives and limbs.

Three: it's crucial that we close the Sci-Fi Convention loophole, which allows anyone - Klingons and non-Klingons alike - to purchase Klingon weaponry without any regulatory oversight whatsoever. These virtual open-air exotic arms markets also encourage the dangerous phenomenon of cross-genre weapons trading where Klingons, Storm Troopers, Jedi Knights, Captain Kirks, Cylons, Sleestaks and all manner of intergalactic warriors can freely exchange weaponry and combat techniques.

I know the pro-sword lobby will be against these proposals, claiming some silly right to bear arms and such, but the truth is that failure to implement such common-sense measures will result in widespread carnage and wanton hewing of limbs. An armed society is a dangerous society. Seriously, would you want to argue over a parking spot it with this guy?

Comments (26)

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from suburban bushwacker wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

Chad usually you are a bastion of good sense whoever on this issue I feel your pragmatism has deserted you. many people who have had problems with cling-ons have found that bladed tools are the only way to get rid of them.
SBW

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from chadlove wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

I'd have to disagree there, SBW.
By far my best tool for dealing with cling-ons is (or was prior to marriage) the phrase "but we can still be friends."

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from Mark-1 wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

Chad,

You're liberial wuss.

If you had your way on traditional, interplanetary edge weapons we'd all be slaves in the Curdasian Empire and we'd force to align ourselves with those renegade troublemakers in the Marquis.

I feel very strongly about this!!!!!

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Mike Diehl wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

We need strick limits on the private sale of phased array energy-beam weaponry.

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Del in KS wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

How did this morph into a Trekkie blog?

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Del in KS wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

Beam me up Scottie there's no intellignet life down here haha

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from WA Mtnhunter wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

Del in KS

No lie....

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from suburban bushwacker wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

Ha HA i was thinking of the other kind of cling- on
SBW

PS for the kind you refer to homer simpson recommended 'I'm not gay but I'll learn'

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from WA Mtnhunter wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

Another one that might fog a mirror....

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from Bella wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

Naw, Batliths are harmless kitchen tools for cutting pizza and slicing up lettuce. Ban Batliths and Neuveau cuisine restaurants will shut down in the dozens (and then where will we get our Gaaaghth. Anyway rowdy Klingons with batliths are no match for me and my razor edged Katana!

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from Jim in Mo wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

I don't get it and don't like it. And here, some of you guys thought the 'Flyfishing Gal' was so bad. Give me a break.

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from L3 wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

Suburban Bushwacker and WA Mthunter, if you don't like the content then don't look at it. Sounds simple enough to me. Seems like ya'll just get on here to try and blast someone. Here is an idea, go to the nearest mirror, look in it, and say "I love myself and I am a good person", it might help with your s@#$%! attitudes.

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from L3 wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

And it also applys to Jim in Mo. Mo what? Mo of a bad mood?

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from Walt Smith wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

I know there's clearasil for zits but what the hell would you use to get that armadillo ass off your forhead??

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from L3 wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

Suburban Bushwacker, Just re-read your post and I need to apologize, misinterpretation on my part.

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from Jim in Mo wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

L3,
I'm not in a bad mood, but I don't get it. I don't get it because if you were a regular here you would have read how some people slammed an artist that brought back the days of yesteryear. But this stuff is supposedly fine. My son does the paintball thing and he wants me to participate. Some of those guys come there with frozen paint balls! I ain't no fool!!!

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from Jim in Mo wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

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from dwaynez wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

Some people never cease to amaze me

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from PBurns wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

Chad, you are SO behind the times! The Brits are all over it (and they would be).

See >> http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-387680/Lethal-Star-Trek-blade-se...

"This horrifying five-foot weapon has been recovered by police during a knife amnesty. The three-handled sword with a blade at either end, designed to be swung like a paddle, shocked officers .... We all know a knife can kill just as easily as a gun so there is a great anomaly there. A knife amnesty on its own won't be a solution."

Right. We need more. We need to take away ALL the knives. And the rocks. The damn rocks are everywhere!

PBurns
www.terrierman.com
http://terriermandotcom.blogspot.com/

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from WA Mtnhunter wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

Thank you for your attitude check. Yes, I love myself; and yes, my attitude is a notch or two above s@#$%!.

Cheers

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from WA Mtnhunter wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

PBurns

What a blade. I am sure that if someone wielded that contraption to me, a good old fashioned double tap would be in order.

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from JTC wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

While they are at it they should ban cheese graters and pencil sharpners. Have you ever seen what either of these will do to a innocent, unsuspecting finger?

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from Carney wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

L3, maybe you should check your sugar levels or something. You're making less sense than Bella usually does.

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from Carney wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

PBurns, thanks for the link to the Brit rag... Is there any normal person who looks at any personal weapon and calls it "horrifying"? And then they are "demanding tougher sentences than the 2 year maximum for carrying a knife"?!?! Jeff Cooper was right about hopliphobia: irrational fear of weapons."

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from Bella wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

I love myself too! and my husband and my dog etc. etc. Actually all the trekkie movie prop Batliths were made out of aluminum and would never take any kind of an edge (kinda like Conan's fancy sword in the movie- alunimum). Rather harmless really, give a body a nice lump on the head though.
I'm sure that the brits will declare teeth to be dangerous weapons and insist that all brits have em extracted. Meanwhile how about those deadly broom and mop handles, those pernicious charwomen should be on their KNEES! (who likes sweeping?)

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from MistressKoloth wrote 2 years 16 weeks ago

LOL, this pic is of my husband, Col. Amar Koloth of the Klingon ship the IKAV Nemesis. http://www.housekoloth.com. This is an awesome article. Thank you! He loves the fact that he made it to Field and Stream! We have many weapons with sharp edges as do many of our brethern. But no, he hasn't robbed any stores and it's a hoot that any Klingon related article comes up, his pic pops up. We just ask that you give him credit and DragonconTV.

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Post a Comment

from suburban bushwacker wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from chadlove wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

I'd have to disagree there, SBW.
By far my best tool for dealing with cling-ons is (or was prior to marriage) the phrase "but we can still be friends."

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Mike Diehl wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

We need strick limits on the private sale of phased array energy-beam weaponry.

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from WA Mtnhunter wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

PBurns

What a blade. I am sure that if someone wielded that contraption to me, a good old fashioned double tap would be in order.

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from JTC wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

While they are at it they should ban cheese graters and pencil sharpners. Have you ever seen what either of these will do to a innocent, unsuspecting finger?

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Carney wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

L3, maybe you should check your sugar levels or something. You're making less sense than Bella usually does.

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Carney wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

+2 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Mark-1 wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

Chad,

You're liberial wuss.

If you had your way on traditional, interplanetary edge weapons we'd all be slaves in the Curdasian Empire and we'd force to align ourselves with those renegade troublemakers in the Marquis.

I feel very strongly about this!!!!!

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Del in KS wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

How did this morph into a Trekkie blog?

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Del in KS wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

Beam me up Scottie there's no intellignet life down here haha

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from WA Mtnhunter wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

Del in KS

No lie....

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from suburban bushwacker wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

Ha HA i was thinking of the other kind of cling- on
SBW

PS for the kind you refer to homer simpson recommended 'I'm not gay but I'll learn'

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from WA Mtnhunter wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

Another one that might fog a mirror....

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Bella wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Jim in Mo wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

I don't get it and don't like it. And here, some of you guys thought the 'Flyfishing Gal' was so bad. Give me a break.

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from L3 wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from L3 wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

And it also applys to Jim in Mo. Mo what? Mo of a bad mood?

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Walt Smith wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

I know there's clearasil for zits but what the hell would you use to get that armadillo ass off your forhead??

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from L3 wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

Suburban Bushwacker, Just re-read your post and I need to apologize, misinterpretation on my part.

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Jim in Mo wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Jim in Mo wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from dwaynez wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

Some people never cease to amaze me

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from PBurns wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

Chad, you are SO behind the times! The Brits are all over it (and they would be).

See >> http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-387680/Lethal-Star-Trek-blade-se...

Right. We need more. We need to take away ALL the knives. And the rocks. The damn rocks are everywhere!

PBurns
www.terrierman.com
http://terriermandotcom.blogspot.com/

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from WA Mtnhunter wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

Thank you for your attitude check. Yes, I love myself; and yes, my attitude is a notch or two above s@#$%!.

Cheers

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from Bella wrote 3 years 13 weeks ago

+1 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

from MistressKoloth wrote 2 years 16 weeks ago

0 Good Comment? Yes | No | Report

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