I roughed up the grassless dirt with a scratcher-thing, sowed “grow anywhere” grass seed, and watered it. Twice a day. And nothing happened. So I bought a “complete grass and fertilizer kit in a bag” deal and put that down. And watered it twice a day. And, behold, that didn’t work either. The sun baked the dirt and scorched the seed. Again I sowed seed, this time covering it with some weird synthetic landscaping fabric that I found in the garage. I weighted the fabric against the wind with many small stones. And, lo, tiny green blades of grass appeared. And I rejoiced. My heart was gladdened that I had brought forth life from the soil. After some days, I saw that the fabric should be removed to grant the grass more sun. By then, I was so focussed on this new life that when I put some burgers on the grill and went to water, I forgot about the burgers. When I put the hose away I realized that I’d been attending to the grass for 20 minutes. And the burgers were like unto stones, which displeased my family. So we ate at the place of the Golden Arches.