Merwin: Enhance Your Brook Trout

Now about those sex ads. You know, the ads in the back of our print edition that tout various male-enhancement products. Some people complain about them. Others just smirk. But what if some of those things turned out to be great fishing products?

Here’s an example. Suppose you’re fishing a headwater creek for little brook trout and keep a few for dinner. The minimum legal size is 6 inches, but you’ve inadvertently kept a 5-incher. Uh-oh, here comes the game warden. Quick! Slip that little brookie into the pocket-size vacuum device and with a few fast pumps you’ve turned that trout into a legal fish!

The potential here is just wonderful. Need some bigger plastic worms or maybe a few larger dry flies? No problem. There are some pills that supposedly increase the size of certain things. So maybe you could dissolve a couple of tablets in water and then soak your size 14 Light Cahills overnight. By morning, they’d be size 12s or maybe even 10s!
Other products have a different application. There’s an aftershave lotion that supposedly will make females more affectionate. Well, hey….my steelhead flies could use a little more love. There are lots of female steelhead in the river, so maybe soaking my woolly buggers in this stuff will help. I bet it might work on a jig for spawning largemouth bass, too.

Understand that I have not yet actually tried any of the foregoing. I don’t really know if those products would work in fishing or not. But stranger things have happened in the world of angling, so maybe it’s worth a shot. I plan to try, anyway, just as soon as I get my free samples….

(CAUTION: You can be sure that our online police will be all over this, so please keep your comments above gutter level.)