Chad Love: Bankers with Guns
So say you’re a Goldman Sachs investment banker and you’re a little worried about the anti-Wall Street populist rabble-rousing all...
So say you’re a Goldman Sachs investment banker and you’re a little worried about the anti-Wall Street populist rabble-rousing all those little people keep going on about. You’ve got that seven-figure bonus check just burning a hole in your custom-tailored suit, so what do you do to protect yourself from the pitchfork-wielding mob?
According to this story, you do exactly what we little people do – buy a gun.
From the story (via the How The World Works blog):
_How tough is it to be a Goldman Sachs banker these days? Despite the record-breaking profits and unprecedented employee compensation, we learn from Bethany McLean’s lengthy profile of the company in Vanity Fair that “there is an embattled feeling about the place,” according to one person “who knows the firm well.” How embattled? Bloomberg columnist Alice Shroeder passes on some hearsay: Goldman bankers are stocking up on ammo!
“I just wrote my first reference for a gun permit,” said a friend, who told me of swearing to the good character of a Goldman Sachs Group Inc. banker who applied to the local police for a permit to buy a pistol. The banker had told this friend of mine that senior Goldman people have loaded up on firearms and are now equipped to defend themselves if there is a populist uprising against the bank.”_
Oh, brother. Apparently Rambo survival fantasies know no socio-economic boundaries. And OK, I must admit it. As someone who was born with a plastic Dixie spoon in my mouth, I’m enjoying a certain amount of proletarian schadenfreude at the ridiculous image of a bunch of Wall Street traders taking up their gilded arms to valiantly defend the firm against bloodthirsty hordes of fixed-income retirees, minimum-wage frycooks, and out-of-work truck drivers.
What would that sort of white-collar combat look like? I suspect it’d look something like this.
But then I got to thinking: If I were a millionaire investment banker, what gun would I buy to fend off the mob? A commoner’s gun? Something vulgar, cheap, mass-produced? Or something a little more tasteful, refined? I’m privy to the demographic data for this blog’s readership, and I happen to know there’s a very high percentage of millionaire investment bankers among them. So speak up, Wall Street warriors! What weapon will you choose to defend yourself against common folk like, well…me?