According to the story, the fish is twice as big as Colorado's previous record striper, a 15 lb., 11 oz. fish caught in 2009. Congratulations to Sprecher on his awesome catch, and I'm sure no one over the age of, say, 40, is jealous in any way. At all. Not a bit. No, sir. Just happy to be here, reading about so many fresh-faced cherubs catching fish of a lifetime, while I keep beating the water to a froth as my hair turns gray, my eyes grow rheumy and my limbs curl into useless, arthritic lumps that couldn't handle the tug of a record-sized fish even if I did hook one. But I'm not bitter.