OK Senator in Favor of Open-Carry to Defend Against Turkey Attacks

I don’t know what to say about this one. I really don’t. It defies introduction, among other things like sanity, logic and reason.

From this story in the Tulsa World:

Thursday, the Senate Committee on Public Safety voted 7-2 in favor of House Bill 2522, which would allow firearms to be carried openly without a concealed-carry permit. The bill does mandate that anyone wanting to openly carry a firearm would have be 21 or older and undergo training. The training would supposedly be tougher than that now required for a concealed-carry permit. The bill originally would have allowed anyone with a concealed-carry permit to open-carry.
During committee discussions, (Oklahoma State Senator Ralph Shortey, R-Oklahoma City) Shortey argued that he shouldn’t be required to pay fees and get a license to carry a weapon. Here’s how he justified that: “I was in oil and gas,” Shortey said. “I was out on a lease at one time and I got attacked by a turkey. Wait until you get attacked by a turkey. You will know the fear that a turkey can invoke in a person. And so I beat it with a club. That was all I could do. “I wish that I had a gun with me,” he said. “And I started carrying a gun in my truck after that without a license because I didn’t want to get attacked by a mountain lion. Turkeys are bad enough.”_

That’s right, you just heard (or read, rather) an Oklahoma state senator unintentionally out-Onion the Onion by earnestly telling the world he’s in favor of open-carry legislation because he’s afraid of wild turkey attacks. That bears repeating. An Oklahoma state senator wants to legalize open carry so he can defend himself against wild turkeys.

As a native Oklahoman, it pains me to point this out but journalistic integrity demands it. A while back, I – perhaps a bit too cruelly and quickly – lampooned the fine, upstanding citizens of Staten Island, NY for their irrational fear of marauding wild turkeys. I never dreamed, of course, that I would someday be writing a blog post lampooning the fine, upstanding elected officials of Oklahoma for their irrational fear of marauding wild turkeys. Yet here I am…

So I ask you, good readers, what’s the more ludicrous sight: New Yorkers so terrified of wild turkeys they refuse to leave their homes, or Oklahomans so terrified of turkeys they want to pack heat to defend themselves not against criminals, but vicious and unprovoked wild turkey assaults?

But first, you must ask yourself: how would I defend myself in the event of a sudden turkey attack? What would I do? I bet this woman would have loved to have had a firearm with which to defend herself. Just listen to those blood-curdling screams. On second thought, maybe, just maybe, the idea of a turkey defense gun isn’t such a crazy, ridiculous idea, after all? And maybe my home state senator isn’t a silly loon, but is in fact, way ahead of his time?

But I don’t want to color your judgment with my unbiased musings. What do you think?