Russian Inventor Patents Poop Explosives
I was going to introduce this next story with a (double entendre warning…) crack about deadly payloads. But you know,...
I was going to introduce this next story with a (double entendre warning…) crack about deadly payloads. But you know, there’s simply no way–no way at all–to do it tastefully. So I won’t, except to say that I think this is a Gun Nuts television show segment just waiting to happen.
From this story in the (UK) Guardian:
Aleksandr Georgievich Semenov patented an efficiently disgusting weapon system. Using his method, soldiers inside an armoured tank, under battle conditions, can dispose of their biological waste products in an unwasteful way: encasing those materials, together with explosives, in artillery shells that they then fire at the enemy.
Semenov, residing in St Petersburg, can and does brag of having Russian patent #2399858, granted in 2009, officially titled Method of Biowaste Removal From Isolated Dwelling Compartment of Military Facility And Device or Its Implementation.
That’s right. I’m (double entendre warning) really not ******** you: a Russian mad scientist with an apparent nightsoil fetish has invented the world’s first high-explosive porta-potty.
From the story: Here’s how the patent describes the scene, with numbers referring to specific items in the drawing: “A military man (3) puts the wastes (8) into the capacity (7) directly (fig.1) or in two steps. After it’s complete or, if it is necessary, incomplete filling the capacity is tightly sealed by the cover.” The key action is in one sentence: “The gun charged with special projectile is targeted on a safety zone or on any enemy target which is worth for catching it.” As the projectile leaves the tank, it removes what would eventually have become a source of stinking misery for the poor soldiers who, in combat, could be forced to remain sealed inside their vehicle for several days.
I anxiously await your comments. The editors nervously await your comments…