Stop me if you think you’ve heard this one before: a fading, self-important rock star/celebrity pitches a fit, makes unreasonable demands, then cancels a scheduled performance in support of his pet political cause. Former Smiths frontman and dour vegan pedant Morrissey, the man who soothed my angst-ridden teenage years with such uplifting songs like “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now” and “Girlfriend in a Coma” recently cancelled a performance on Jimmy Kimmel Live because, and I’m not making this up, the “Duck Dynasty” guys were also scheduled to be on the show that night. And they’re like, you know, “animal serial killers.”

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Jimmy Kimmel always has the last laugh. Morrissey learned that lesson on Tuesday night, after the former front man for The Smiths canceled his appearance on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” at the last minute because he learned the cast of “Duck Dynasty” would be guest on the same night. Never one to back away from controversy, Kimmel addressed the cancellation on his show, thanking the band Churchill filling in for Morrissey on such short notice. Kimmel read the statement Morrissey issued to explain his refusal to appear on the show. “[Morrissey] is a vegan and a staunch animal rights activist,” Kimmel explained. Morrissey stated he could not “morally be on a television program where the cast members of ‘Duck Dynasty’ will also be guests.” He added “as far as my reputation is concerned I can’t take the risk of being on a show alongside people who, in effect, amount to animal serial killers.”

In response, the Duck Dynasty crew and Kimmel tried to make the ever-glum Morrissey feel better by shooting a commercial for a special Duck Commander carrot call, but apparently that didn’t work, either. Despite the heartfelt overture, Morrissey cancelled the performance, anyway, which undoubtedly sent lonely, middle-aged emo rockers everywhere into a tailspin of despondency and self-loathing. The rest of us, however, enjoyed the show.