Petzal: Fan Mail

The late G. Sitton was the most gifted gun writer of the generation that is now fading from sight. During the 1980s he moved to Arizona and whored after false gods by writing advertising copy. We kept in touch, however, and once in a while he would send me a fan letter. This one is reproduced exactly as he wrote it, and is in response to an article I did in the 1989 Gun Digest entitled, "I Sold All My Lovely Wood."

_"Dear Mr. Petzal: I know you gun writers get tons of mail and you probably think it's a big pain in the ass to have to read letters from regular people like me who don't wear bikini underwear and never graduated from some snotty college. Tough s**t. We buy your magazine even if we can't hardly read so we pay you the big bucks and I figure you have to read this letter like this because its our money you use to fly all over the world to shoot stuff with some gun that costs more than our houses.
_

"Anyway I just read in Gun Digest _about how you sold all these custom made rifles with wood stock because they were too cute to get dirty and couldn't shoot moas which we don't even have a season on in Arizona anyway. Then you said everybody should have fiberglass gun stocks. Like my kid says when she isn't too stoned to talk or [sexual perversion deleted], get real. I drive a '78 Ford truck and drink generic beer and figure Im getting along pretty good when I can afford to do both at the same time. Besides I checked in the catalog in the back of Gun Digest and they don't even make a 30-30 with a fiberglass stock.
_

_"Why not pass up a few expense account lunches, drink water that doesn't cost $3 a bottle and do some real hunting for a change? Maybe you can learn something useful to your readers like how to track a gutshot doe when your out jacklighting. Otherwise I figure your next 143 storys will be about some stupid f*****g handgun that looks like a rifle with birth defects and wont fit under the seat of a pickup.
_

Gully Dimwort"