While scrolling down the channel guide in my customary evening stupor, I noticed that most of the programming concerned the undead. Land of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, The Living Dead Walk Again, The Living Dead Fart*, and on and on. I wondered why all the [interest in Congress](/node/1001457172/Rule #3 Momentum is Your Friend Photo #3 Hitting a mud hole fast and hard is dangerous to you and your bike. An instantaneous stop can throw you forward creating the potential for a serious injury. That said, being prepared for a jolt can keep you on the seat and momentum can be a significant help to push you through the hole. ), and happened to mention it to a friend who is much younger and hipper, and he said, “It’s not about the House and Senate, you out-of-touch old bastard, it’s about zombies. Zombies are HOT.”
So, being a Gun Nut, my natural thought was, which gun and load would one use to put down a zombie for good? From what I can deduce, zombie-shooting is a volume business; you seldom see them in less than mob strength. This means lots of ammo and a high magazine capacity. Second, it seems that only a head shot will bring them down. This means that you don’t need a large caliber. Third, you don’t want to get splattered. They are, after all… gooey.
To me, the natural choice seems to be any good .22 rimfire automatic, which is cheap to operate, allows you to carry lots and lots of ammo, and is not inclined to splash you with zombie parts. It makes me wish I still had my old Remington Nylon 66.
*One aspect of zombiedom that has not been explored is the fact that human cadavers produce gas in huge amounts, and the smell from a herd of passing zombies must be beyond description. Not to mention the noise, which is probably like the beans-around-the-campfire scene from Blazing Saddles, raised to the 10th power.