Here’s one from the “I Couldn’t Make This Up If I Tried” file. According to Europe’s, German swimmers are being blamed for the death of 500 fish in a lake near Hamburg. Apparently they just couldn’t ditch the swimmy fins and pool noodles long enough to find a bathroom. From the story:

A spokesman for the local Angling Association said: “Swimmers who urinate in the lake are introducing a lot of phosphate. We’re calculating half a litre/0.15 gal. of urine per swimmer per day.” Applying anti-phosphate products to the water has been expensive and hasn’t worked, fuelling a long-standing feud between fishermen and bathers in the lake.


The story also notes that the city’s Urban Development and Environmental Authority says there could be another explanation…ice skating.

“The ice-skaters make a noise that wakes the fish out of hibernation”, a BSU spokesperson said. “Then they can’t breathe and freeze. That’s a very common phenomenon.”

So listen, I’m just going to leave you folks to it. Pee deaths? Ice skating deaths? You think you ever scared a lake trout so badly doing a hockey stop it went belly up?