Hunting Dogs photo

There’s nothing like sending your dog to retrieve in front of all your friends and having him nail the mark, then return smartly to heel. By the time you bend down to give the “drop” command you’ve become the world’s greatest trainer – until the slobbery wad of feathers and gore that used to be your bird lands in your hand.

Breaking your dog of a hard mouth is one of the most frustrating exercises in hunting. But trainers, fret no more! I’ve found a radical new aid that will get rid the problem in any breed. How? By eliminating their natural (but murderous and philosophically wrong) desire for flesh. Click here to find out what I mean.

That’s right. Companion animal vegan diets. It may seem daft to discount your dog’s millions of years of development as a carnivore, but I really think ABC is on to something here. Turn your dog into a vegetarian and not only do you eliminate hard mouth, you don’t have to lie to your neighbors about why their cats keep disappearing. And you’ll also no longer need to break up fights! Everyone knows eating meat promotes aggression.

You will, however, need to put up a fence around the garden. And while you may notice a few small behavioral changes, especially in your male dogs (constantly redecorating their kennels, a newfound fondness for the groomers, etc…) I for one would gladly trade that in return for getting my mallards back in one piece.