Survival Tips photo

Lately, instead of fishing or mid-summer scouting I’ve been getting fat and stupid(er) while watching a game show called Wipeout, in which none-too-nimble contestants navigate their way through one of those Japanese game show-inspired obstacle courses. The appeal of said show is, of course, the dramatic and often hilarious falls the contestants inevitably take.


But lately the show’s been getting a little stale for me. If you’ve seen one overweight housewife take a nosedive into a pool of mud, you’ve pretty much seen them all, right? But I’ve got an idea to inject a little spice into the show…

First, get all contestants drunk and then force them to run alongside the road in the photo above at rush hour. I figure there’s about a six-inch window of safety between the snapping jaws of death and the front grill of a soccer mom’s SUV. Best times advance to the next challenge and bonus points are given for the number of limbs you maintain.

And speaking of the next challenge, surviving contestants are then flown here where they are doused in estrous moose urine and given the keys to a Fiat 500. Fastest time through the five-kilometer course wins the fifty grand plus free reconstructive surgery.

Now that’s something I could watch…