Among the myriad things wrong with the world today, high on my list is the fact that the deer hunter is no longer a mainstream cultural hero. He was once, and you don’t have to go all the way back to Natty Bumppo to find him. Meanwhile, vegetable eaters world-wide have not just a hero, but a superhero–a strangely captivating weirdo from New Jersey singing the virtues of carrots and celery and turning children soft in several languages on You Tube. A bad dream indeed. Here he is in English:

What we–and children everywhere–need is a Captain Venison that’s even half so charismatic as Sesame Street’s Captain Vegetable, which you seriously have to admit is unequivocally, utterly brilliant.

What can I say? It’s been a long winter.