Can we all please stop drinking the Toby Keith-spiked Kool-Aid and admit that his little ditty “Red Solo Cup” is the worst song ever written, bar none. I would rather listen to “Pac Man Fever” on repeat than hear another drunk co-ed slur through the chorus while splashing warm, stale beer down, as Keith so eloquently puts it, “the front of my back.”
While I can appreciate the form and function of a red Solo cup, the unfathomable popularity of such a stupid song (or pretty much any Toby Keith song) has not only further eroded my already-thin faith in humanity, but also forced me to boycott the crimson cups on principle alone. This leaves me with a few alternatives for my summer cocktailing.
For the past few years, my cup of choice has been an Atlas-brand pint jar. The robust, “Strong-Shoulder” jar is the perfect vessel for the hard-poured gin and tonics I’ve been relying on to survive the record heat and drought we’ve been suffering. Still, there might be times when a “glass” glass might be less than desirable, so I’m going to pick up a four-pack of these cool Kleen Kanteen pint glasses. Crafted from food-grade stainless steel, they’re a great “green” alternative to single-use plastic cups and, unlike my standard pint jar, unbreakable.
Unfortunately, while you can stand out from the crowd with a classier cup, you can’t unhear the song once it makes its way into your brain. So, though you might be drinking from a stainless steel cup or glass jar, you’re still going to be singing the words:
Red Solo cup
I fill you up.
Let’s have a party…