Cameron Diaz Nearly Eaten By Grouper. Yeah, We're Serious

So here's a fun thing to do while scuba diving. Swim up to a massive grouper on the reef and pet him right on the lips. What's that? It doesn't sound safe? No, no, it's cool. He's friendly. After actually executing this Tom Foolery, 3 News reported that actress Cameron Diaz told Jay Leno the following (I went ahead and counted the "likes" for you. There's 5):

"I'm rubbing its lip and I'm like, 'Oh my God, this is amazing!' I'm looking into its eyes, we're having this whole moment and all of a sudden it (inhaled) and I go (flying inside)... The only thing that stopped me was literally my neck. "I'm like inside this fish, and I'm looking at him, he's looking at me and I'm like, 'What's gonna happen here?' And he... (spit me out) and I go flying backwards. And I have, like, a (oxygen) tank on and everything and I'm, like, rolling backwards in the water. So that was really good times."

Wow, Cameron, that does sound like really good times. The story doesn't say what kind of silly grouper it was that mistook Ms. Diaz's affection-filled fingers for food, but she is quoted as saying "it was probably the size of a Volkswagen." That likely means it was a Goliath grouper, and I'd sooner scratch a hammerhead's belly than stick my hand anywhere near the maw of a Goliath. They might look fat and slow and oafy down there, but check out the video below. I've hooked them twice and neither fight lasted more than 30 seconds.